"All man think all men mortal, but themselves."
- Edward Young (1683-1765)
English poet, playwright
"The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace."
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)
English metaphysical poet
"Truth sits upon the lips of dying men."
- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)
English poet, critic
Funerals: the darkest hours any normal human being wish they could avoid in their lives. Actually, I'm going to rephrase that: the darkest hours any human being in general wish they could avoid in their lives. Fact of the matter is, every single one of us has either lost someone or knows someone who has. Me, I've lost my grandfather, my uncle, my friend from junior high...and recently myself. Last year, me, my mom and my little brother went to a funeral to provide emotional support for the uncle of the deceased. When we got there, my little brother brought something to my attention: the picture of the deceased. What was surprising about it: he looked like me. Not only did he look like me, we were the same age, same major, spent the same amount of years in college, spent our early years in the same country. As I watched family, friends, faculty walk into the church, I couldn't help but wonder about my own family, friends and faculty, how much sorrow I would bring to them dying, realizing more and more how much they really care for me and how these people really mean to me. Then at the end of the funeral, as they took the coffin down the aisle, something happened. One of the family members, maybe his mother, I don't exactly remember, was trying to walk behind the coffin as two people supported her. Then she fell exactly where I was sitting, into my arms, wailing, screaming, asking for her child back. Holding her in my arms is when I started crying myself, shedding and sharing her tears for the dead son. My family was friends with the uncle, but I did not know these people personally...and here I was...crying with them, becoming a part of them, sharing their sorrow for such an early loss of such a bright young man... As we walked out of the church, my little brother held me up, smiling, trying to comfort me...From that day on, I have thought of how I would feel if I ever lost any more family members or friends. I still remember a few nights where I lay in bed crying, having vivid visions of losing my mom, my aunts, my grandma, my best friend... ...But I have grown out of that because they are still here, very much alive, some happier than others, but very much alive and enjoying life as much as those around them and their tax-deductible checks allow them...
I think of the quotes I wrote in the beginning of this blog and I think of the people in my life, how each of them have reacted to death. Whether it be crying, locking themselves in their room, screaming, breaking things, laughing, denial, it affects every single one of them. What is it about our ego that forces us to see ourselves above everyone else, thinking that we're some kind of superhero, that we're here to watch everyone else die and live beyond our years and build a world according to how we see fit? I'm sure that when each and everyone of you out there, you sit down and think about death and how it will affect you someday, you then realize how vulnerable and unstable you are, how you're not that different from everyone else after all, that you're down here with all the rest of us and that you're not here to stay. What does that mean? What's the point? Does that mean you have to constantly think about your dying day? About how you're going to die? About how we're all going to die? Absolutely not! What's wrong with enjoying the time you are on this earth? What's wrong with seeing a little light in every little thing that you do, whether it be with your family, your friends, you lover, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, you wife, your husband, your kids, everyone around you? If everytime you look at those around you and all you see is death, carnage and apocalypse, every smile and laugh that you give those around you will be filled with so much indifference, so much hidden sadness, so much disorder and instability, that all anyone will feel for you is pity and accept you for you are...well, those that will hang around. Because to them, you are already dead to them and those that care will keep trying to revive you as much as they can, in any way that they can...while others will just tell you to go to hell and watch you kill yourself more and more until you can't even give them that smile anymore.
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