Disclaimer: The following entry does not apply to African-Americans in any sort or way so Al Sharpton, spare us another appearance fighting for our cause.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the end of the year 2006, as we slip into 2007 and our world has never been more cynical than ever. Usually in December, we get movies that usually remind us that there is nothing more important than family, or that Santa Claus is coming to town to bring joy and merriment in every home if you've been nice for the year, or holiday books, snow, etc. But this year, so much of that is lacking as everything this december seems to be concentrating on having a pessimistic view on Jesus' month. I mean, just looking at Hollywood, the christmas-themed movies were terrible and came out in November, while December was filled with futuristic sterile men, serial killers, gore, sex, blood and Mayans...or Aztecs...or whatever the hell they were. Last year, we have "The Chronicles of Narnia". This year, we have "Turistas". I mean, come on, what happened to every child's innocent favorite holiday? What happened to those days when we used to believe in a jolly old fellow, as we would sit in his lap, asking him for what we want for christmas and such? Now, if you sit in an old fellow's lap, he's probably gonna get a hard on and you've probably going to get a restraining order against him. That's the problem with our world today: we are too damn cynical. We tend to look at things in a dark light. Just because you see a light at the end of the tunnel does not mean it's an oncoming train. It may very well be an exit to all of your problems and many God-blessed solutions. What's wrong with a little optimism? Come on, people, work with me here. I mean, my boyfriend was laughing throughout most of "Apocalypto" while I was cringing on my seat as that poor soul was being mauled to death. Christmas used to bring heart-filled emotions between all of mankind. We need to find it in our hearts and have hope for this. I will admit that myself, I am not too optimistic regarding such belief considering first and foremost, I live in New York City. But then, the other day, at the mall, I saw two adults go up to Santa. Santa asked the man what he wanted for Christmas and he answered that he wanted this woman to be his wife, as he pulls out an engagement ring. As soon as everyone heard and saw this, I saw something on all their faces: it was light and hope and it's something I haven't seen a lot this Christmas. That's exactly what drives my optimism: because as terrible as mankind may be, as bad as situations may get, humans still manage to surprise us everytime with some heartfelt action that affects everyone around them in a most positive way.
Have a merry Christmas to all of you and enjoy all the moments you have with your family, friends and loved ones as you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Why Gays Shouldn't Be Allowed In The Military.
OK, so first, we have the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, then we have the discrimination should the "Don't Tell" section of that mantra be violated, then we have humiliation. From the start of this, anyone can tell that this will be a cliché blog about gays and/in the military. So you wonder why write one? It's because an issue such as this raises questions about sexual preference in the workplace and recreational areas as well. Because of the onset of gays in the military, there are such video documents as "Private Lowlife" influencing every aspect of modern society. In construction, there is "Drill Bill", in swimming there is the "Trunks" trilogy, and even in the legal system there is "Justice" in which a man would do anything and anyone to prove his innocence.
Gays in the military needn't be asked about their orientation because if the gossip queens don't spill the beans then its almost certain they will be obvious when they start making stiletto pumps out of their combat boots, and camouflage is reduced to plaid, polka dots, and sequins (to confuse the enemy I suppose).
Perhaps in the military there is no gay community because everyone experiments and "gay" is simply a term used to isolate those that differ. However, in the military everyone is the same and those who deny participation in a homosexual event, be it physical, emotional, or mental might as well call the wedding caterer and tell him/her/heshe/shim to make sure the cake is made with part skim milk else all the work done on calf day at the gym would be futile.
Conservatives would argue that gays should not be allowed in the military because they are needed to fill the jobs of the real men to keep women at bay from taking over the workforce completely. Rosie the Riveter certainly looked like one of those butches from the village which is why no one cares if lesbians join the military. They are more effective than gays simply because they are man-hating dikes who have absolutely no problem in killing another man. Should they be bereft of their weapon, I suspect a pair of balls and a banana to be lying on the ground along with the mutilated body at the bare hands of the butch!
The ultimate argument is that gays turn straight men gay, while lesbians encourage men to remain heterosexual in hopes that their significant other wouldn't mind having six female holes in the bed/shower/counter top/park/subway instead of three. In order for the human race to survive, procreation must be ensured. Not every gay man wants to donate his belongings to some sperm bank because he runs the risk of someone he slept with encountering his potential kids which can be used for revenge in collaboration with the man-hating dike who recently turned because she was used her to fool his parents. Child support is not only a black man's worst nightmare.
Credit and collaboration goes to my strange and unique boyfriend.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Mothers, Fathers, Sons and Daughters.
According to that quite a disturbing video most of us saw in high school, "The Miracle of Life", one day, when mommy and daddy looked at each other in the eyes and realized how much they truly loved each other, a little one was conceived. Or if you're a pessimist, once daddy saw mommy's cacongas throbbing through her shirt, they started rockin' and knockin' and since it was so intense, mr. Trojan can only withstand so much brutality and falls apart. Thus, an accident is conceived. But I'm an optimist at the moment and will return to the matter at hand the way things have been running in my life lately.
So, I ask you, what makes a good parent? One that's always there when you need him or her; or one that one that takes care of you financially; or one that helps you through hard times; or maybe all of the above? Fact of the matter is, parenthood is a terrifying thing, as there are many stages parents dread and wished they could just erase or skip them, like puberty, their first date, their first disagreement, prom night, college, dormitories, fraternities, drugs, alcohol, and moving out. While there are many stages you just can't wait to experience, like their first steps, their first words, their first "momma" or "dada", their first "i love you", graduation, college, marriage and grandchildren.
But the time during which they're still at home, steps have to be taken very carefully so those good moments can outnumber the bad ones. But this past year has proved more than my parent can handle: me coming out, her second one starting puberty, diagnosed with two serious illness, being separated by her first for five months only to be reunited by a shrink, mistrust and disagreements under her roof. With so many problems arising, a parent cannot help it but wonder her capacity at said job. This, thus brings depression and many unconsolable tears. So what happens then? This is where we, the offsprings, come in. We have to realize that sometimes, we have to be the parent for our parents, consoling them, using the same methods they used with us. That way, they see themselves in us. Only then will they realize that they didn't do such a bad job after all. And then, this will bring more tears. But this time, they will be tears of achievement and joy and absolutely nothing is grander for a parent to know and feel that he or she has succeded at the most difficult task ever put on mankind: raising a child to become an extraordinary parent. Life can only taste so sweet.
A dedication to my mother, an amazing and extraordinary parent. I love you dearly and Happy 50th Birthday!!!!
So, I ask you, what makes a good parent? One that's always there when you need him or her; or one that one that takes care of you financially; or one that helps you through hard times; or maybe all of the above? Fact of the matter is, parenthood is a terrifying thing, as there are many stages parents dread and wished they could just erase or skip them, like puberty, their first date, their first disagreement, prom night, college, dormitories, fraternities, drugs, alcohol, and moving out. While there are many stages you just can't wait to experience, like their first steps, their first words, their first "momma" or "dada", their first "i love you", graduation, college, marriage and grandchildren.
But the time during which they're still at home, steps have to be taken very carefully so those good moments can outnumber the bad ones. But this past year has proved more than my parent can handle: me coming out, her second one starting puberty, diagnosed with two serious illness, being separated by her first for five months only to be reunited by a shrink, mistrust and disagreements under her roof. With so many problems arising, a parent cannot help it but wonder her capacity at said job. This, thus brings depression and many unconsolable tears. So what happens then? This is where we, the offsprings, come in. We have to realize that sometimes, we have to be the parent for our parents, consoling them, using the same methods they used with us. That way, they see themselves in us. Only then will they realize that they didn't do such a bad job after all. And then, this will bring more tears. But this time, they will be tears of achievement and joy and absolutely nothing is grander for a parent to know and feel that he or she has succeded at the most difficult task ever put on mankind: raising a child to become an extraordinary parent. Life can only taste so sweet.
A dedication to my mother, an amazing and extraordinary parent. I love you dearly and Happy 50th Birthday!!!!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Cooper Union: My gift, my curse.
...The prices we pay for being gifted...That was probably the most arrogant statement I've ever uttered in my life. But that talent got us here, The Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art. But that talent failed to prepare us for competing talentswhich we would have to face in the school, some of which we can beat, others which will crush us. How we handle it is really up to us. And how do we?
" I can't take this anymore"
"I'm under so much stress right now"
"I don't think I can last for five years"
"She might be leaving us soon"
"She's in the hospital. She had a breakdown"
"I'm on academic warning"
"I'm just pissed and annoyed"
"I'm just mad the work up there isn't me and I wasn't able to express my ideas"
"I lied to you. I'm in the closet."
These are the words I have heard from a few of my friends this past week in architecture school. I couldn't help but look back at the first day we started: all of us strangers to each other, not knowing what awaits us with those walls, that feeling of excitement of making new friends, of starting college, of wondering who that older blue-eyed hunk is and all the perks that come with starting fresh. Most of us were freshmen, fresh out of high school, where we were la créme de la créme and excelled at almost everything. I remember those days...three years ago as I just stepped into Cooper Union, with my ego bigger than former porn start Pamela Anderson's breasts. But engineering school proved to me that there were a whole lot of people, much better at what I loved and wanted to do for the rest of my life than I was. And in a competitive school where every man is for himself, failure knocks on every door. And when it comes, most of us aren't prepared and each of us have our own way of reacting to it: we cry, we have tantrums, we get depressed, we blame everyone else but us, we try to be there for each other, we fight it... while the rest of us just give up and feel incompetent.
Now that I switched schools, I witness these same faces for a second time, only this time, I wasn't one of them because I was prepared. I knew what was coming. That's why for every tear that I would see drop, I was there to wipe them. For every frown that I saw, I was there to bring them back up. And you know why? Because this is the only way we can survive this: by working together, by helping each other out. That way, that goodness can be paid forward for the next unknowing soul to come through these doors. That way, we grow closer to each. We begin to trust each other. We begin to be become not just a family, but a lot more than that. And of we can manage to do that together, we'll kick the hell out of this insitution and show it we mean business and we're here to fuckin' STAY!!!
" I can't take this anymore"
"I'm under so much stress right now"
"I don't think I can last for five years"
"She might be leaving us soon"
"She's in the hospital. She had a breakdown"
"I'm on academic warning"
"I'm just pissed and annoyed"
"I'm just mad the work up there isn't me and I wasn't able to express my ideas"
"I lied to you. I'm in the closet."
These are the words I have heard from a few of my friends this past week in architecture school. I couldn't help but look back at the first day we started: all of us strangers to each other, not knowing what awaits us with those walls, that feeling of excitement of making new friends, of starting college, of wondering who that older blue-eyed hunk is and all the perks that come with starting fresh. Most of us were freshmen, fresh out of high school, where we were la créme de la créme and excelled at almost everything. I remember those days...three years ago as I just stepped into Cooper Union, with my ego bigger than former porn start Pamela Anderson's breasts. But engineering school proved to me that there were a whole lot of people, much better at what I loved and wanted to do for the rest of my life than I was. And in a competitive school where every man is for himself, failure knocks on every door. And when it comes, most of us aren't prepared and each of us have our own way of reacting to it: we cry, we have tantrums, we get depressed, we blame everyone else but us, we try to be there for each other, we fight it... while the rest of us just give up and feel incompetent.
Now that I switched schools, I witness these same faces for a second time, only this time, I wasn't one of them because I was prepared. I knew what was coming. That's why for every tear that I would see drop, I was there to wipe them. For every frown that I saw, I was there to bring them back up. And you know why? Because this is the only way we can survive this: by working together, by helping each other out. That way, that goodness can be paid forward for the next unknowing soul to come through these doors. That way, we grow closer to each. We begin to trust each other. We begin to be become not just a family, but a lot more than that. And of we can manage to do that together, we'll kick the hell out of this insitution and show it we mean business and we're here to fuckin' STAY!!!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
How To Save A Life
Last night, while hanging out with my friends in the city, I got a call from my aunt in Haiti, fearing for my mother's ailing health. What she expected me to do, like stay home more and help out more around the house were not easy due to Cooper's requirements. After we were done talking, that's when my friends saw a side of me they never did: I cried. I was on the floor, in tears because for the first time, I realized that despite how much me and my mom argue, how we have so many differences against each other, how many faults we have hindering our relationship from progressing, for the first I realized that I truly do love this woman for everything she's ever done for me and my little brother all by herself. We hadn't spoken for a week prior to yesterday and I didn't know what the reason was. And I honestly didn't care. And then suddenly...I did and it was an overwhelming feeling that completely took over me to the point that I couldn't stand anymore and stop showing this mask to my friends. Everytime, I have always been there for them, Goya, Galit, Kellan, all of them. But I never gave them a chance to be there for me because it was always about everyone else before me. And then last night, they were all there for me, and I think some of those tears were from that as well. To quote one of my favorite songs, "Everyone needs a sense of belonging. Someone there to truly understand. The precious gifts can come from empty hands" ...and those gifts did come...from many hands.
Last night, my life was saved. I decided to stay home today and that's when I saw a side of my mom I hadn't seen in a long time: a smile, that motherly comfort we all long for, we all want to run to whenever we're feeling down and kicked around...that home sweet home feeling. And that's how I saved her life.
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
- The Fray
Last night, my life was saved. I decided to stay home today and that's when I saw a side of my mom I hadn't seen in a long time: a smile, that motherly comfort we all long for, we all want to run to whenever we're feeling down and kicked around...that home sweet home feeling. And that's how I saved her life.
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
- The Fray
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Michael Lucas Productions presents: The Covenant.
So those of you who are familiar with gay pornography should know who Michael Lucas is, the man who is allegedly saving us from bad porn. Tonight, I went to see "The Covenant", a movie revolving around five families having extraordinary magic powers. But one of them (surprising) decides that he wants more for himself and will go at anything to get it, even if it means killing his onw parents. The movie takes place in a prep school where the girls have big boobs and the guys are hot as hell itself, depending on your perspective of the inferno of course. Acting was not a factor in such movie. Neither was a script or a plot for the fact of that matter. One of the members in The Covenant didn't even have lines. The only reason I didn't walk out was because the producers did not stop feeding me amazing shots of their topless hunky wiccas and one amazing shower scene. As my friend puts it so well, it was "The Craft" with hotter men and a bad script. So many scenes reminded one of how terrible our pornos are these days when it comes to acting and stories. They truly show us that the only reason people watch porn is to "arrive" at that final goal. Any idiot would be able to tell you that this movie was a clear attempt to expose naked, ripped, young teenage bodies, saddening our poor seniors day after day reminding them of how long they've been on this planet. In some hotels, you have to choice of a story or just plain action when it comes to porn. I usually choose the stories just so I can have a good laugh before cumming.
My point is this: "The Covenant" could have been a much better movie if it starred known actors, known real actors who know what they're doing and not turn the movie into a teen flick as it is the only category it can go into now, which is truly disppointing since I was really looking forward to it. I will agree the visual effects were quite stunning, but sadly the rest of the movie didn't match up with that. Now off to watch "Drill Bill: Volume 2".
Monday, July 10, 2006
Remember, Remember, the 30th of June. The Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot?
[reporting from Haiti]
The 30th of June, in the year of 2000, at 9:45 PM is when my new life began, a life that would be hard for me to fit into, a life which, six years later hasn’t progressed much domestically. From the moment I stepped out of the plane, watching the tall buildings, reflecting a completely different life than what I had been accustomed to for the previous 13 years, I had a knot in my throat. For six years, my attitude was changing completely. For six years, my personality was changing completely. For six years …for six years…for six years, absolutely nothing changed. Those wheels haven’t turned. Everything just kept going downhill every year that passed by with absolutely no hope at hand. On the 29th of June, I felt betrayed by the same people that I held so dear…and angry…and terribly sad that this is going to be the end of that life and I have to move on. That’s part of growing up, right? Moving on, forgetting the past to improve the present, that is already the future? The future is now, they say. Why the hell do we have to move so fast? Why is it we can’t slow down and enjoy the simple moments of our short life on this planet, before we make another mistake and ruin everything?
Six years: January 1st, 2006. A New Year begins, yet the same shit remains. And then, he came along. A simple message over the internet: just a few lines but with so much hope in it. Finally, something new, something to smile about, and something to forget the sorrows that came with the new life. Yet even as I found new love, something still pains me. Something is still missing. The family that I need to grow mentally with is missing. The country that I am attached to is missing. I may find happiness in New York, but I will never be satisfied. Everyone moves so fast, no one stops to think about what that friend may be really talking about, no one cares about anything, yet it’s seen internationally as one of the most advanced countries on the planet. So this is the price to pay for progress, eh? All money and absolutely no humanity? I know this sounds cliché but it was interesting for me to watch it on movies and criticizing how these people are going to self-destruct. But to actually live it? Overnight, my setting completely changed, from one extreme to the other, on the opposite of the mainstream. How can anyone survive this kind of a change and not suffer some kind of damage, whether it is in the way they act, the way they think, the way they view their surroundings…their attitude with their immediate family. I push my little brother away; I fight with my mother weekly, going on daily in the last month to the point that our relationship has officially hit rock-bottom. I look back to see if any of this could have changed. I look back to see if any tears could have been prevented. I look back to see if any words could have been taken back. I look back to see if any pain could have been undone. I look back…I look back and all I see is the same thing: all roads lead to Haiti. I’ve realized that it’s actually possible to continue a life here if I came back and stayed here permanently like before. I came back this summer and it’s as if my story just continued, with just a few gaps, but still logical. New York then would have been just a long halftime.
But as much as I hate the New York life, something still attracts me back to it. Whether it is my friends from Hunter College, my boyfriend or the bohemian life in the village, I don’t know which. It could be one of those, or all of them. But one thing is for sure: with the right spices, lawn in a bowl can be orgasmic for one’s mouth.
The 30th of June, in the year of 2000, at 9:45 PM is when my new life began, a life that would be hard for me to fit into, a life which, six years later hasn’t progressed much domestically. From the moment I stepped out of the plane, watching the tall buildings, reflecting a completely different life than what I had been accustomed to for the previous 13 years, I had a knot in my throat. For six years, my attitude was changing completely. For six years, my personality was changing completely. For six years …for six years…for six years, absolutely nothing changed. Those wheels haven’t turned. Everything just kept going downhill every year that passed by with absolutely no hope at hand. On the 29th of June, I felt betrayed by the same people that I held so dear…and angry…and terribly sad that this is going to be the end of that life and I have to move on. That’s part of growing up, right? Moving on, forgetting the past to improve the present, that is already the future? The future is now, they say. Why the hell do we have to move so fast? Why is it we can’t slow down and enjoy the simple moments of our short life on this planet, before we make another mistake and ruin everything?
Six years: January 1st, 2006. A New Year begins, yet the same shit remains. And then, he came along. A simple message over the internet: just a few lines but with so much hope in it. Finally, something new, something to smile about, and something to forget the sorrows that came with the new life. Yet even as I found new love, something still pains me. Something is still missing. The family that I need to grow mentally with is missing. The country that I am attached to is missing. I may find happiness in New York, but I will never be satisfied. Everyone moves so fast, no one stops to think about what that friend may be really talking about, no one cares about anything, yet it’s seen internationally as one of the most advanced countries on the planet. So this is the price to pay for progress, eh? All money and absolutely no humanity? I know this sounds cliché but it was interesting for me to watch it on movies and criticizing how these people are going to self-destruct. But to actually live it? Overnight, my setting completely changed, from one extreme to the other, on the opposite of the mainstream. How can anyone survive this kind of a change and not suffer some kind of damage, whether it is in the way they act, the way they think, the way they view their surroundings…their attitude with their immediate family. I push my little brother away; I fight with my mother weekly, going on daily in the last month to the point that our relationship has officially hit rock-bottom. I look back to see if any of this could have changed. I look back to see if any tears could have been prevented. I look back to see if any words could have been taken back. I look back to see if any pain could have been undone. I look back…I look back and all I see is the same thing: all roads lead to Haiti. I’ve realized that it’s actually possible to continue a life here if I came back and stayed here permanently like before. I came back this summer and it’s as if my story just continued, with just a few gaps, but still logical. New York then would have been just a long halftime.
But as much as I hate the New York life, something still attracts me back to it. Whether it is my friends from Hunter College, my boyfriend or the bohemian life in the village, I don’t know which. It could be one of those, or all of them. But one thing is for sure: with the right spices, lawn in a bowl can be orgasmic for one’s mouth.
Monday, July 03, 2006
The Testicles of the Equator
[reporting from Haiti]
I have written too many serious blogs. It was about time that I write something to relieve any last stress that might be remaining in my body from the hectic school year. There are also other ways to take care of that stress, like drawing, sex with my boyfriend, singing loudly with the girls in the village, hanging out on the third floor bridge at Hunter College with the silliest friends you could ever meet in New York City, etc. But writing about what happens around me, whether it is good or bad, always puts me at some ease, helping me reflect back on what happened and hopefully learning something from it. And what has been bothering me (only to some extent) is the fact that every Haitian man that I run into has six-pack abs. I mean, where the hell do they come from???!?!?!?! Not everyone in this country works out, I know this for a fact, yet all of them look like they just fell out of a ghetto Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. The face doesn’t matter most of the time, watching these bodies sweat profusely under the scorching sun, making you cum in your pants instantly. It’ always that body, that Greek-like figure that the media has drilled into our heads, viewing it as a "hot bod". Can you honestly imagine a baby coming out of its mother with a little washboard on its stomach? Quite impressive I might say indeed. But I never understood what exactly makes us be attracted to this sort of thing. The fact that watching a man in contact sports, wrestle and tackle each other, or watching some woman slither herself, Egyptian-style all over a marble floor, reflecting her oversized boobs, can turn us on so much is quite an impressive biological concept.
This also brings up the homosexuality controversy, whether people choose this path or they just fell into it. I can honestly tell these scientists that say that we chose this path, are terribly wrong. I am frankly not attracted to a woman, her breasts, and her vagina, everything about her, expect her mind, if she is in good stance. But looking at a man, his biceps, his lips with that moustache or that goatee, his lean chest, his washboard abs, the V-shape the ribs form that lead straight down to the pubic hair, the phallic shape of his hard penis with the throbbing veins along with the testicles gently hanging off doesn’t just turn me on. When it also has some color added to it, preferably some Latino or some chocolate, hmmmm…It gives me an exhilarating, unprecedented feeling that I just cannot describe but is commonly known as sexual attraction……(pauses to jerk off)……where was I?...oh yeah, hot men…so what I was saying was that maybe some things are just not meant to be understood and we should leave them as is. Every time we try to understand anything we don’t understand, we end up digging further in than is necessary and sometimes, coming up with conclusions based on how we were raised, and not actual facts.
One last thing that makes me angry is the fact as to how the female body is so objectified, given so much importance, giving the hungry wolves out there more than enough to ogle their eyes at. HELLO!!!!!!!!!! What about us gay men and women? Is there anything for us? Even porn for us is scarce, unless obtained through some obscure website, where you’re mostly going be watched and suspected of pedophilia. Shit, you’d be lucky if you see one full hard penis and testicles, without some vagina or a mouth (a few mouths sometimes!) covering it. You try donating sperm and their magazines don’t correspond with your needs (does "Round and Brown" honestly sound gay to you!??!?!). The closest they usually have for gay men is "Martha Stewart Living" and I can’t stand the bitch nowhere!!!! It is time our society realizes that it is not only made of heterosexual men and lesbians. Sharing the world has never been mankind’s best attributes, so starting at such a controversial issue is not promising, most likely to end up in catfights, gauntlets being thrown, the works. Share, my fellow compatriots, share with all those that surround, even with masturbation…and this wasn’t even supposed to be a reflective blog.
I have written too many serious blogs. It was about time that I write something to relieve any last stress that might be remaining in my body from the hectic school year. There are also other ways to take care of that stress, like drawing, sex with my boyfriend, singing loudly with the girls in the village, hanging out on the third floor bridge at Hunter College with the silliest friends you could ever meet in New York City, etc. But writing about what happens around me, whether it is good or bad, always puts me at some ease, helping me reflect back on what happened and hopefully learning something from it. And what has been bothering me (only to some extent) is the fact that every Haitian man that I run into has six-pack abs. I mean, where the hell do they come from???!?!?!?! Not everyone in this country works out, I know this for a fact, yet all of them look like they just fell out of a ghetto Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. The face doesn’t matter most of the time, watching these bodies sweat profusely under the scorching sun, making you cum in your pants instantly. It’ always that body, that Greek-like figure that the media has drilled into our heads, viewing it as a "hot bod". Can you honestly imagine a baby coming out of its mother with a little washboard on its stomach? Quite impressive I might say indeed. But I never understood what exactly makes us be attracted to this sort of thing. The fact that watching a man in contact sports, wrestle and tackle each other, or watching some woman slither herself, Egyptian-style all over a marble floor, reflecting her oversized boobs, can turn us on so much is quite an impressive biological concept.
This also brings up the homosexuality controversy, whether people choose this path or they just fell into it. I can honestly tell these scientists that say that we chose this path, are terribly wrong. I am frankly not attracted to a woman, her breasts, and her vagina, everything about her, expect her mind, if she is in good stance. But looking at a man, his biceps, his lips with that moustache or that goatee, his lean chest, his washboard abs, the V-shape the ribs form that lead straight down to the pubic hair, the phallic shape of his hard penis with the throbbing veins along with the testicles gently hanging off doesn’t just turn me on. When it also has some color added to it, preferably some Latino or some chocolate, hmmmm…It gives me an exhilarating, unprecedented feeling that I just cannot describe but is commonly known as sexual attraction……(pauses to jerk off)……where was I?...oh yeah, hot men…so what I was saying was that maybe some things are just not meant to be understood and we should leave them as is. Every time we try to understand anything we don’t understand, we end up digging further in than is necessary and sometimes, coming up with conclusions based on how we were raised, and not actual facts.
One last thing that makes me angry is the fact as to how the female body is so objectified, given so much importance, giving the hungry wolves out there more than enough to ogle their eyes at. HELLO!!!!!!!!!! What about us gay men and women? Is there anything for us? Even porn for us is scarce, unless obtained through some obscure website, where you’re mostly going be watched and suspected of pedophilia. Shit, you’d be lucky if you see one full hard penis and testicles, without some vagina or a mouth (a few mouths sometimes!) covering it. You try donating sperm and their magazines don’t correspond with your needs (does "Round and Brown" honestly sound gay to you!??!?!). The closest they usually have for gay men is "Martha Stewart Living" and I can’t stand the bitch nowhere!!!! It is time our society realizes that it is not only made of heterosexual men and lesbians. Sharing the world has never been mankind’s best attributes, so starting at such a controversial issue is not promising, most likely to end up in catfights, gauntlets being thrown, the works. Share, my fellow compatriots, share with all those that surround, even with masturbation…and this wasn’t even supposed to be a reflective blog.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
To Do List: To Crush Men!!!
[reporting from Haiti]
This blog may come up as hypocritical, considering I am a man myself, but one quality that people should be proud of having is to accept their problems, without being arrogant about it. And that is one thing men will never admit. They say usually that it’s something that mostly wives and mothers do, belittling their husbands and their offspring, with the utmost goal of winning the battle or the argument. But men have a series of these problems that are quite similar. Arrogance, pride, immaturity, only to name a few problems that prevent today’s men from ever progressing. I’m not surprised that congress is mostly made of men, considering that pro is the opposite of con. Now, puns aside, it is something that truly annoys me. Hanging out with the guys and listening to the kind of shit that comes out of their mouths, it’s no wonder that women always have the upper hand on us. And it’s not just their fault. Pop culture plays a major part in this degradation. Every Sean Paul video, Daddy Yankee or any reggaeton or hip-hop video portray these over-powering men, maneuvering women barely wearing anything, with just a thong sometimes and having their ways with them, becoming the "playa" of the game. Every time I watched these videos, I always wondered how anyone could possibly stand this crap. But almost all the guys I hang out here with, including my male cousins, all react the same way. They start cheering and whooping and giving each other high fives. It’s all that testosterone (God bless it in the right moment ;-)) that’s going to waste for unnecessary endeavors.
This immaturity carries into the professional world as well, sadly taking a toll sometimes on other people’s lives, weaker than the oppressor. This relates to wars and other international or national conflicts that prevent our society from living a stress-free life. If our leaders were mostly women or gay men for the fact of that matter, I’d sit more easily in a high-rise office toilet, not thinking that it might blow up under my ass any instant. How do we go about changing this? One person asking that question isn’t going to solve anything. I’m just hoping that eventually, men will realize that all that ass-shaking, all those "fly bitches in my crib", all those 20-inch rims and all the other nonsense will get boring, since they haven’t realized it already has. It’s just the same thing over and over again. That is what is known as brainwashing, according to the Oxford dictionary on top of my fridge. All this just pumps up men’s testosterone more and more, thinking of no one else but themselves, degrading women, and constantly looking for power to acquire it by whatever means possible, hurting everything and everyone in their way. There’s only so much we can do but hope for some best in the near future……We’re in 2006…Bush leaves in 2008…that means we still have two more years of this shit…that’s some seriously bad fuck job!!!!
This blog may come up as hypocritical, considering I am a man myself, but one quality that people should be proud of having is to accept their problems, without being arrogant about it. And that is one thing men will never admit. They say usually that it’s something that mostly wives and mothers do, belittling their husbands and their offspring, with the utmost goal of winning the battle or the argument. But men have a series of these problems that are quite similar. Arrogance, pride, immaturity, only to name a few problems that prevent today’s men from ever progressing. I’m not surprised that congress is mostly made of men, considering that pro is the opposite of con. Now, puns aside, it is something that truly annoys me. Hanging out with the guys and listening to the kind of shit that comes out of their mouths, it’s no wonder that women always have the upper hand on us. And it’s not just their fault. Pop culture plays a major part in this degradation. Every Sean Paul video, Daddy Yankee or any reggaeton or hip-hop video portray these over-powering men, maneuvering women barely wearing anything, with just a thong sometimes and having their ways with them, becoming the "playa" of the game. Every time I watched these videos, I always wondered how anyone could possibly stand this crap. But almost all the guys I hang out here with, including my male cousins, all react the same way. They start cheering and whooping and giving each other high fives. It’s all that testosterone (God bless it in the right moment ;-)) that’s going to waste for unnecessary endeavors.
This immaturity carries into the professional world as well, sadly taking a toll sometimes on other people’s lives, weaker than the oppressor. This relates to wars and other international or national conflicts that prevent our society from living a stress-free life. If our leaders were mostly women or gay men for the fact of that matter, I’d sit more easily in a high-rise office toilet, not thinking that it might blow up under my ass any instant. How do we go about changing this? One person asking that question isn’t going to solve anything. I’m just hoping that eventually, men will realize that all that ass-shaking, all those "fly bitches in my crib", all those 20-inch rims and all the other nonsense will get boring, since they haven’t realized it already has. It’s just the same thing over and over again. That is what is known as brainwashing, according to the Oxford dictionary on top of my fridge. All this just pumps up men’s testosterone more and more, thinking of no one else but themselves, degrading women, and constantly looking for power to acquire it by whatever means possible, hurting everything and everyone in their way. There’s only so much we can do but hope for some best in the near future……We’re in 2006…Bush leaves in 2008…that means we still have two more years of this shit…that’s some seriously bad fuck job!!!!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
To Be or Not To Be...is That The Question?
[reporting from Haiti]
Everyone around us judges us by what we do and how we think, most of the time getting a completely wrong idea about who we truly are. I believe a proverb that explains this is “Never judge a book by a cover”. Yet, sadly, we all do it, including me, I hate to admit. A problem I have is, and I judge people about is I tend to see people for who they are outside. Take my friend Ian for example: when I first met him in physics class, he had blue hair, with a spongebob squarepants book bag, and Capri look-alike pants. I mean, honestly, COME ON!!!! So naturally, I thought this guy’s going to be the next Timothy McVeigh or something completely out of the mainstream. But then, our professor sat us next to each other for the second cycle of the school year. At first, I was a little scared, thinking God knows what this kid might do to me. But then, as the days go by, I got to know him as he got to know me. We became good friends, to claim first prize in the physics bridge building competition. And all this happened because I gave him a chance as he did me, to know him, and see him for who he truly was and still is.
Now why is it so hard for us to just try and not perceive things as they seem? If people saw half of my friends, they’d think I’m crazy, as they seem they are. But they are in the top colleges in the country, studying physics, chemical engineering, law, nanotechnology, criminal psychology and so much more. Now if you told them this, do you honestly think they would believe you? Because of the world we live in, our society forces us to see everything in a completely different light…a terrible one. When we look down a dark tunnel, we do see light at the end of it, but it’s not an exit from the darkness. It’s an oncoming train, about to hurt us and cause us so much pain and sorrow. Thinking about it, it’s not our fault that we think about it. I mean, my mother doesn’t approve of half my friends. And it’s not that she’s close-minded of any sort. She’s just worried and again, has every right to be.
So the main question remains, do we know ourselves who we truly are? Who are we living for? For others? Do we have to change who we are to fit into an ever-changing society that doesn’t even recognize its own identity? We change our behavior so much, our lifestyle, our friends, that at some point that we reach, we don’t even recognize ourselves. We start doing things that are indignant of where we were raised. And who is to blame for that? Not just the society that we were raised in, but the main culprit remains nobody else but us. I witness this in my own family as one of my cousins constantly detaches himself from the family, to a point where his friends know him better than his own mother. Where this is a problem, I know these friends and they do not mean well. They are still young, immature and have absolutely no idea what the meaning of life is. Of course, none of us really do, but others who are older and are more experienced have a better idea than 14-year-olds do. His excuse is that if his family knows him better than his friends, they will use his weaknesses against him. He makes his own family the enemy. He completely misses how his own family will use those weakness “against him” for his own good, while he will get hurt, if not harshly, if those friends use those weaknesses against him. It would be a contradiction for me to just turn down any possibility that his friends may mean well. But what I am arguing is that at such a young age, his friends cannot possibly know better than his own family, especially one like the one I was raised in, as he was.
What we need to do is live for ourselves and not for others, do what pleases us, and not what pleases others, avoid what makes us cry, and not do it because it will make this person happy. What we also need to think is that the stranger that can become a potential friend may be following the same dogma. Sure, we live in a crazy world today…but is it wrong to be an optimist? Is it wrong to see the goodness in others? I believe in it…and so far I haven’t been wrong. Others may not have been as lucky as I have, but at least I gave it a chance, which is something others refuse to even ponder the thought of.
This blog is written in dedication to my little cousin Daniel, in hopes for light at the end of the tunnel and not an oncoming train.
Everyone around us judges us by what we do and how we think, most of the time getting a completely wrong idea about who we truly are. I believe a proverb that explains this is “Never judge a book by a cover”. Yet, sadly, we all do it, including me, I hate to admit. A problem I have is, and I judge people about is I tend to see people for who they are outside. Take my friend Ian for example: when I first met him in physics class, he had blue hair, with a spongebob squarepants book bag, and Capri look-alike pants. I mean, honestly, COME ON!!!! So naturally, I thought this guy’s going to be the next Timothy McVeigh or something completely out of the mainstream. But then, our professor sat us next to each other for the second cycle of the school year. At first, I was a little scared, thinking God knows what this kid might do to me. But then, as the days go by, I got to know him as he got to know me. We became good friends, to claim first prize in the physics bridge building competition. And all this happened because I gave him a chance as he did me, to know him, and see him for who he truly was and still is.
Now why is it so hard for us to just try and not perceive things as they seem? If people saw half of my friends, they’d think I’m crazy, as they seem they are. But they are in the top colleges in the country, studying physics, chemical engineering, law, nanotechnology, criminal psychology and so much more. Now if you told them this, do you honestly think they would believe you? Because of the world we live in, our society forces us to see everything in a completely different light…a terrible one. When we look down a dark tunnel, we do see light at the end of it, but it’s not an exit from the darkness. It’s an oncoming train, about to hurt us and cause us so much pain and sorrow. Thinking about it, it’s not our fault that we think about it. I mean, my mother doesn’t approve of half my friends. And it’s not that she’s close-minded of any sort. She’s just worried and again, has every right to be.
So the main question remains, do we know ourselves who we truly are? Who are we living for? For others? Do we have to change who we are to fit into an ever-changing society that doesn’t even recognize its own identity? We change our behavior so much, our lifestyle, our friends, that at some point that we reach, we don’t even recognize ourselves. We start doing things that are indignant of where we were raised. And who is to blame for that? Not just the society that we were raised in, but the main culprit remains nobody else but us. I witness this in my own family as one of my cousins constantly detaches himself from the family, to a point where his friends know him better than his own mother. Where this is a problem, I know these friends and they do not mean well. They are still young, immature and have absolutely no idea what the meaning of life is. Of course, none of us really do, but others who are older and are more experienced have a better idea than 14-year-olds do. His excuse is that if his family knows him better than his friends, they will use his weaknesses against him. He makes his own family the enemy. He completely misses how his own family will use those weakness “against him” for his own good, while he will get hurt, if not harshly, if those friends use those weaknesses against him. It would be a contradiction for me to just turn down any possibility that his friends may mean well. But what I am arguing is that at such a young age, his friends cannot possibly know better than his own family, especially one like the one I was raised in, as he was.
What we need to do is live for ourselves and not for others, do what pleases us, and not what pleases others, avoid what makes us cry, and not do it because it will make this person happy. What we also need to think is that the stranger that can become a potential friend may be following the same dogma. Sure, we live in a crazy world today…but is it wrong to be an optimist? Is it wrong to see the goodness in others? I believe in it…and so far I haven’t been wrong. Others may not have been as lucky as I have, but at least I gave it a chance, which is something others refuse to even ponder the thought of.
This blog is written in dedication to my little cousin Daniel, in hopes for light at the end of the tunnel and not an oncoming train.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Grandparents
[reporting from Haiti]
Grandma and grandpa…remember them, those old guys who walk at one mile an hour, who never stop talking, a lot of times mumbling because those fake teeth-gum sets are falling out, can’t control their anatomical emanations (pick your hole, whichever), yet still manage to make a mean dinner, leaving the whole family speechless. They’ve seen a lot, they’ve endured a lot living on this planet. So why doesn’t God spare them and let them join Him once their purpose has been served? Maybe it’s because their purpose will never be fully served. Grandparents are able to teach us the lessons of the past better than any history book that has ever been written about anything. Why is that? Because they were there and they know their family and they know how to apply the past to the present for a better future for their descendants. And as much as some of us may hate to admit, we all want some of that knowledge and wisdom. I witness this when I come home from work as there is always some stranger in our house talking to my grandmother about their past experiences with someone, something that happened to them in their homes, troubles with their offspring, anything that comes to mind. Some of these stories seem utterly absurd to me and I find no solution to them at all. But somehow, my grandmother always finds something, either from a dream, or from her past to relate to them and give them advice. Ever since our grandfather died, my grandmother has endured a lot, losing her life partner for more than 50 years. She went through a stroke, blood pressure hikes and such. Yet, she always comes out stronger and even wiser. We can see her suffering from time to time and we wonder why God doesn’t take her away. The reason is none other than that God knows we still need her and that we cannot fend for ourselves without her as much as we try to prove we can. We become wiser as we grow older, as we learn and experience from life. The fact that we continue to learn can only come from those who have been there before us. Just because we declare our independence from the house we were raised in, something always brings us back, whether it is the comfort, that home sweet home feeling, or the nostalgia of childhood memories that always finds a way to get back to our heart. That feeling is what is left of little humanity still exists in the insane world we live in today. This is a tribute to grandparents all over the world, as they are one of the main reasons we haven’t self-destructed yet. Another proof God still loves us? Why not? You’d be surprised
Grandma and grandpa…remember them, those old guys who walk at one mile an hour, who never stop talking, a lot of times mumbling because those fake teeth-gum sets are falling out, can’t control their anatomical emanations (pick your hole, whichever), yet still manage to make a mean dinner, leaving the whole family speechless. They’ve seen a lot, they’ve endured a lot living on this planet. So why doesn’t God spare them and let them join Him once their purpose has been served? Maybe it’s because their purpose will never be fully served. Grandparents are able to teach us the lessons of the past better than any history book that has ever been written about anything. Why is that? Because they were there and they know their family and they know how to apply the past to the present for a better future for their descendants. And as much as some of us may hate to admit, we all want some of that knowledge and wisdom. I witness this when I come home from work as there is always some stranger in our house talking to my grandmother about their past experiences with someone, something that happened to them in their homes, troubles with their offspring, anything that comes to mind. Some of these stories seem utterly absurd to me and I find no solution to them at all. But somehow, my grandmother always finds something, either from a dream, or from her past to relate to them and give them advice. Ever since our grandfather died, my grandmother has endured a lot, losing her life partner for more than 50 years. She went through a stroke, blood pressure hikes and such. Yet, she always comes out stronger and even wiser. We can see her suffering from time to time and we wonder why God doesn’t take her away. The reason is none other than that God knows we still need her and that we cannot fend for ourselves without her as much as we try to prove we can. We become wiser as we grow older, as we learn and experience from life. The fact that we continue to learn can only come from those who have been there before us. Just because we declare our independence from the house we were raised in, something always brings us back, whether it is the comfort, that home sweet home feeling, or the nostalgia of childhood memories that always finds a way to get back to our heart. That feeling is what is left of little humanity still exists in the insane world we live in today. This is a tribute to grandparents all over the world, as they are one of the main reasons we haven’t self-destructed yet. Another proof God still loves us? Why not? You’d be surprised
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Shall We Dance?
[reporting from Haiti]
The past few weeks in Haiti have been quite eventful for me and my family as we’ve been taking dance lessons, revolving mostly around ballroom dancing. For those of you who have been spending too many nights at dark facilities, with throbbing techno music and waking up at someone else’s place, most of the time, not even knowing who that person is, ballroom dancing is the classical form of couple’s enjoyment, where the woman faces the man, creating a more intimate relationship, not her humps, facing and dry-humping his hump, as I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, creating an erotic “I wanna penetrate you this instant!!!!!” one-night stand. Some see dancing as a pastime, some see it as foreplay, while others see it as a conversation. I firmly believe in the latter. As one dances with his partner, what needs to happen for that beauty to resonate between the couple, is a constant flow, a communication of body language, telling me to move this way or that, telling me that I’m about to be dipped, telling me that I’m about to be touched in a most unexpected and if done right, exhilarating way. This is what makes dancing such an orgasmic experience. We take the tango for example, a passionate dance about love, lust and every feeling that turns on every hormone in our body about the attraction and the chemistry between two people. As the couple engages in this dance, the ones watching witness a transformation, a poetry enfolding as this couple tells us their story, their fate, their destiny and ultimately their climax or their doom. The vitality with which the couple expresses their emotions will correspond with the level of attention the audience decides to spend watching them. And if that couple expresses an unprecedented ardor, the audience will be captivated, trapped in an uncontrollable trance, unable to move away from this phenomenon that is blooming before them.
I’ve realized that everything I do nowadays, everything I think about seems to revolve around my relationship with my mother. The relationship I wish I had with her seems to be happening with everyone and everything else around me, but her. But the problem is, this isn’t entirely her fault. I am to blame for this also. Every night, I pray that my relationship with her gets better, especially for my little brother. But what I always fail to ask Him is for me to want that relationship to get better, for me to have the will to solve our problems…But why do I not want to? Why is it that whenever I have problems with everyone else, whether it be friends or family, I can’t live with myself until I ask for forgiveness or I rebuild bridges but when it comes to my own mother, I honestly don’t give a shit? Is it because she has been pushing me away without realizing it? Or have I been contributing to this pushing away as well by not talking to her, by not opening to her, by not being comfortable with her…all because…I don’t want to…
Is it possible to fix a relationship once it’s been broken for such a long time when there isn’t much effort from both sides? Is it honestly possible for me to be able to dance in one flow with my mother, to be able to create this amazing phenomenon as two becomes one, expressing an infinite love that can withstand whatever storm without sinking…I want to want to be able to do that…but I don’t know…the future looks bleak and my physical and mental body can only withstand so much…
The past few weeks in Haiti have been quite eventful for me and my family as we’ve been taking dance lessons, revolving mostly around ballroom dancing. For those of you who have been spending too many nights at dark facilities, with throbbing techno music and waking up at someone else’s place, most of the time, not even knowing who that person is, ballroom dancing is the classical form of couple’s enjoyment, where the woman faces the man, creating a more intimate relationship, not her humps, facing and dry-humping his hump, as I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, creating an erotic “I wanna penetrate you this instant!!!!!” one-night stand. Some see dancing as a pastime, some see it as foreplay, while others see it as a conversation. I firmly believe in the latter. As one dances with his partner, what needs to happen for that beauty to resonate between the couple, is a constant flow, a communication of body language, telling me to move this way or that, telling me that I’m about to be dipped, telling me that I’m about to be touched in a most unexpected and if done right, exhilarating way. This is what makes dancing such an orgasmic experience. We take the tango for example, a passionate dance about love, lust and every feeling that turns on every hormone in our body about the attraction and the chemistry between two people. As the couple engages in this dance, the ones watching witness a transformation, a poetry enfolding as this couple tells us their story, their fate, their destiny and ultimately their climax or their doom. The vitality with which the couple expresses their emotions will correspond with the level of attention the audience decides to spend watching them. And if that couple expresses an unprecedented ardor, the audience will be captivated, trapped in an uncontrollable trance, unable to move away from this phenomenon that is blooming before them.
I’ve realized that everything I do nowadays, everything I think about seems to revolve around my relationship with my mother. The relationship I wish I had with her seems to be happening with everyone and everything else around me, but her. But the problem is, this isn’t entirely her fault. I am to blame for this also. Every night, I pray that my relationship with her gets better, especially for my little brother. But what I always fail to ask Him is for me to want that relationship to get better, for me to have the will to solve our problems…But why do I not want to? Why is it that whenever I have problems with everyone else, whether it be friends or family, I can’t live with myself until I ask for forgiveness or I rebuild bridges but when it comes to my own mother, I honestly don’t give a shit? Is it because she has been pushing me away without realizing it? Or have I been contributing to this pushing away as well by not talking to her, by not opening to her, by not being comfortable with her…all because…I don’t want to…
Is it possible to fix a relationship once it’s been broken for such a long time when there isn’t much effort from both sides? Is it honestly possible for me to be able to dance in one flow with my mother, to be able to create this amazing phenomenon as two becomes one, expressing an infinite love that can withstand whatever storm without sinking…I want to want to be able to do that…but I don’t know…the future looks bleak and my physical and mental body can only withstand so much…
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
[reporting from Haiti]
What is religion? Some see it as faith. Some see it as ignorance. Some see it as salvation. Some see it as a refuge. Others see it as a union that gives us that security that we are not alone in this world. We all have our own definition of religion. Coming from a gay man, I guess that definition may be suspect as alteration or even seen as invalid at it would be utter contradiction for a sinner to tell the righteous or anyone else for the fact of that matter, what God’s institution truly is and what it was designed to be. I must admit, being raised in a conventional, conservative catholic family, I was "brainwashed", for lack of a better word, to think in the same way. But during my transition from my 9th to my 10th year alive on this planet, when I started to feel attracted to other men, growing older to realize that I was indeed one of those the Church shuns, I realized that absolutely nothing is what it seems and that absolutely no book should ever be judged by its cover. On top of that, I am a scientist, studying engineering and architecture, the former being a science that completely contradicts our origins than what the Bible says. Yet, even then, I still see God’s Hand in what I’m studying, in every experiment that I perform, in every equation I concoct, in every formula that I learn. So now, as a Catholic gay scientist man, I ask of you, what is religion? What is the definition of faith? Why is that we believe in a being that is more powerful than us, yet that none of us can honestly we have any proof that He exists? Every miracle that happens in the Bible, science tries to disprove it as a miracle, stating that any human being can perform these same wonders with complex equations and formulas, disproving the existence of a higher being. But what is science? To quote one of my favorite authors, science "shatters God’s world into smaller pieces in quest of meaning…and all it finds is more questions." Right then and there, we witness more of God’s awesome power, the fact that we will never be able to learn all of life’s secrets. Even those secrets that we learn, we never learn them fully. As much and as hard as we try, scientists haven’t even begun to touch the tip of the iceberg that is our universe. Now, they attribute all sorts of reasons as to why this happens: money, time, sex life (yeah, right!) and then some. But they will never admit to the ultimate and real reason: that higher power that will never truly give all His secrets…or Her secrets, none of us really know. And that’s what drives us all to believe and to have faith in those miracles. The fact that science can never reach that upper echelon of divinity is what still keeps what little faith exists in the world. Fact is, science may be able to prove a lot and teach a lot, but it can never teach us how to use such power, it can never teach us morality and acknowledging that we are not alone in this world, that we have to take into account that our actions may have consequences on those that surround us, even on our loved ones whether we want to or not. This is where religion, faith and God come in. Men are too corrupt to be able to be convincing enough to prevent an evil, to show its immorality. Only God and some of his servants can truly show us that path. And those that succeed, even though rare, show us that miracles are possible, only if we believe. I mean, God can only expect so much of us. We’re merely humans, right? And what are humans, but "a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control"…Is this truly what God saw His world becoming? Some say that God doesn’t exist because there’s so much suffering. But picture this: if you have a child and he rides a bike, you have the power to prevent him from doing so and getting hurt. But if you let him go and he gets hurt, he learns from his mistakes. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn. It’s not who we are, but what we do, that defines us. And once that definition is initiated, we grow closer to the divine, not only God-willing, but also self-willingly. If we can do this much, then this world can truly be a better place for every single one of us.
What is religion? Some see it as faith. Some see it as ignorance. Some see it as salvation. Some see it as a refuge. Others see it as a union that gives us that security that we are not alone in this world. We all have our own definition of religion. Coming from a gay man, I guess that definition may be suspect as alteration or even seen as invalid at it would be utter contradiction for a sinner to tell the righteous or anyone else for the fact of that matter, what God’s institution truly is and what it was designed to be. I must admit, being raised in a conventional, conservative catholic family, I was "brainwashed", for lack of a better word, to think in the same way. But during my transition from my 9th to my 10th year alive on this planet, when I started to feel attracted to other men, growing older to realize that I was indeed one of those the Church shuns, I realized that absolutely nothing is what it seems and that absolutely no book should ever be judged by its cover. On top of that, I am a scientist, studying engineering and architecture, the former being a science that completely contradicts our origins than what the Bible says. Yet, even then, I still see God’s Hand in what I’m studying, in every experiment that I perform, in every equation I concoct, in every formula that I learn. So now, as a Catholic gay scientist man, I ask of you, what is religion? What is the definition of faith? Why is that we believe in a being that is more powerful than us, yet that none of us can honestly we have any proof that He exists? Every miracle that happens in the Bible, science tries to disprove it as a miracle, stating that any human being can perform these same wonders with complex equations and formulas, disproving the existence of a higher being. But what is science? To quote one of my favorite authors, science "shatters God’s world into smaller pieces in quest of meaning…and all it finds is more questions." Right then and there, we witness more of God’s awesome power, the fact that we will never be able to learn all of life’s secrets. Even those secrets that we learn, we never learn them fully. As much and as hard as we try, scientists haven’t even begun to touch the tip of the iceberg that is our universe. Now, they attribute all sorts of reasons as to why this happens: money, time, sex life (yeah, right!) and then some. But they will never admit to the ultimate and real reason: that higher power that will never truly give all His secrets…or Her secrets, none of us really know. And that’s what drives us all to believe and to have faith in those miracles. The fact that science can never reach that upper echelon of divinity is what still keeps what little faith exists in the world. Fact is, science may be able to prove a lot and teach a lot, but it can never teach us how to use such power, it can never teach us morality and acknowledging that we are not alone in this world, that we have to take into account that our actions may have consequences on those that surround us, even on our loved ones whether we want to or not. This is where religion, faith and God come in. Men are too corrupt to be able to be convincing enough to prevent an evil, to show its immorality. Only God and some of his servants can truly show us that path. And those that succeed, even though rare, show us that miracles are possible, only if we believe. I mean, God can only expect so much of us. We’re merely humans, right? And what are humans, but "a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control"…Is this truly what God saw His world becoming? Some say that God doesn’t exist because there’s so much suffering. But picture this: if you have a child and he rides a bike, you have the power to prevent him from doing so and getting hurt. But if you let him go and he gets hurt, he learns from his mistakes. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn. It’s not who we are, but what we do, that defines us. And once that definition is initiated, we grow closer to the divine, not only God-willing, but also self-willingly. If we can do this much, then this world can truly be a better place for every single one of us.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Family Secrets
[reporting from Haiti]
There’s nothing shittier in life than domestic problems, problems that arise within your own home, within your own family. These problems, unfortunately, reflect in our behavior in everything else that we do, how we act, how we perceive everything. One particular issue that can cause problems is marriage, which in turn joins two families…or at least it should. My mother and my stepfather got divorced, details as to the reason why being quite a blur. At the time, I didn’t really think about it. I remember us moving out of my step dad’s house, us saying goodbye to our stepbrothers, my mother crying in the front seat, and my little brother completely oblivious as to what was happening. That was then.
Being older now, things started to slowly make sense, some of which I wish I had not known. In the “Da Vinci Code”, Sophie Neveu is disturbed in the novel as she discovers more and more secrets about her family, so much of which was hidden from her for her protection, as they say. Problems with my mother arising at an alarming level, the latter decides to send me to Haiti, to “straighten my acts out and think about my future”, as she so appropriately puts it. Another one of her goals is to start fresh, to solve the problems of the past, to try and forget them, if possible, including with my stepfather. My stepfather was great with me, representing a direct father figure that I never had, so, of course, I had no objection to meeting him and spending a day with him. Little did I know that I was in for the ride of my life, and not the kind that usually involves a lot of moaning, sweating and a waste of millions of potential children (well, in my case anyway). I originally thought that the divorce was all my mother’s idea. But sitting down with my step dad, I realized that this was not a one-way decision. Now, I do understand that what he told me might be a way to turn me against my family. But for one, he’s just not the type and knows that no one can turn me against my family. Two, what he said made sense, because I witnessed what he told me everyday, when I lived them six years ago, and every time I come on vacation and again, on this very day as I write this. As a result of all that happened, his family and my mother’s family never got along and endures in a long and senseless vendetta. When I proposed the idea of joining the two families back together again as it was before, I got in my first argument with my aunt, the first in 19 years.
What is not said in a family always has consequences. Keeping secrets, not giving all of the information about a certain fact, turning into a lie, are all the ingredients for a dangerous meal, one that our poor intestines are not built to endure. Do people honestly believe that not telling the offspring is for their own protection? This is utter horseshit, the kind that cannot be cleaned easily and usually sticks around until the smell is quite unbearable. Understandable that at a certain age, the offspring won’t understand what the truth really means. But keeping one in the dark until he’s 19 years old? Those are issues that should be seriously considered.
There’s nothing shittier in life than domestic problems, problems that arise within your own home, within your own family. These problems, unfortunately, reflect in our behavior in everything else that we do, how we act, how we perceive everything. One particular issue that can cause problems is marriage, which in turn joins two families…or at least it should. My mother and my stepfather got divorced, details as to the reason why being quite a blur. At the time, I didn’t really think about it. I remember us moving out of my step dad’s house, us saying goodbye to our stepbrothers, my mother crying in the front seat, and my little brother completely oblivious as to what was happening. That was then.
Being older now, things started to slowly make sense, some of which I wish I had not known. In the “Da Vinci Code”, Sophie Neveu is disturbed in the novel as she discovers more and more secrets about her family, so much of which was hidden from her for her protection, as they say. Problems with my mother arising at an alarming level, the latter decides to send me to Haiti, to “straighten my acts out and think about my future”, as she so appropriately puts it. Another one of her goals is to start fresh, to solve the problems of the past, to try and forget them, if possible, including with my stepfather. My stepfather was great with me, representing a direct father figure that I never had, so, of course, I had no objection to meeting him and spending a day with him. Little did I know that I was in for the ride of my life, and not the kind that usually involves a lot of moaning, sweating and a waste of millions of potential children (well, in my case anyway). I originally thought that the divorce was all my mother’s idea. But sitting down with my step dad, I realized that this was not a one-way decision. Now, I do understand that what he told me might be a way to turn me against my family. But for one, he’s just not the type and knows that no one can turn me against my family. Two, what he said made sense, because I witnessed what he told me everyday, when I lived them six years ago, and every time I come on vacation and again, on this very day as I write this. As a result of all that happened, his family and my mother’s family never got along and endures in a long and senseless vendetta. When I proposed the idea of joining the two families back together again as it was before, I got in my first argument with my aunt, the first in 19 years.
What is not said in a family always has consequences. Keeping secrets, not giving all of the information about a certain fact, turning into a lie, are all the ingredients for a dangerous meal, one that our poor intestines are not built to endure. Do people honestly believe that not telling the offspring is for their own protection? This is utter horseshit, the kind that cannot be cleaned easily and usually sticks around until the smell is quite unbearable. Understandable that at a certain age, the offspring won’t understand what the truth really means. But keeping one in the dark until he’s 19 years old? Those are issues that should be seriously considered.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Secrets and Power...
[reporting from Haiti]
We all keep secrets, don't we? This little thing that we're afraid to tell the people around us that we know or better yet, think it's going to hurt them. Last year, a certain book called "The Da Vinci Code" divulged an astounding secret that the Catholic Church has kept from its followers for centuries. A secret so powerful that if revealed, it would devastaste the very foundations of mankind. Now one may ask why the Church would do such thing, an institution that advocates truth and the fear and love of a greater power...the fear of a greater power...Why don't we relax, smoke and drink and think about the difference between lying between "regular" people and lying amongst powerful people. "Regular" people lie to cover something they've done that they know will hurt someone close to them or to obtain something that they want, that they know that they either don't deserve or that they can't obtain. Powerful people lie to raise their level of awareness above everyone else. It's about pride. It's about knowledge. It's about taking advantage of the little ones and have them carry the powerful on their poor, dilapitated backs. The fact that they know something that we don't, puts us several steps below them on the social ladder, and keeping that information from us, keeps us there.
But sometimes, I wonder: if that information was divulged to us, what would be our reaction? Would we be open-minded to accept the possibility that nothing is what it seems? Or would we be close-minded and see the truth that was just exposed as a lie or a blasphemy? Now I don't know how accurate Dan Brown is in his book, but one cannot deny that a lot of the research that he did have been proven and that the connection is not impossible. The day that the movie adaption of said book came out in theaters, riots broke out in different parts of the world as copies of the book were thrown into a bonfire, calling it a blasphemy, a written sin, a way of turning the faith against the Church. The way they should have worded it is a way for the Church, not the one that Jesus and His Father built, but the modern, pretentious, greedy, power-hungry one, to lose its power over its slaves. At my church, our priest dubbed Dan Brown as a "blasphemer" and a "renouncer of Jesus-Christ". Back in Haiti, each "fact" that was raised in the movie brought more outcry from the audience. This does not mean the audience is ignorant. This is just what the Church and the powers that be want: for their supporters and followers reject anything and everything that goes against what they've drilled into so many minds. This process is popularly known as brainwashing. What is frightening is that as smart and educated many can be, getting them to accept to accept a certain idea and have them live by it can be quiet successful.
They say "Ignorance is Bliss". I say "Ignorance is Weakness".
We all keep secrets, don't we? This little thing that we're afraid to tell the people around us that we know or better yet, think it's going to hurt them. Last year, a certain book called "The Da Vinci Code" divulged an astounding secret that the Catholic Church has kept from its followers for centuries. A secret so powerful that if revealed, it would devastaste the very foundations of mankind. Now one may ask why the Church would do such thing, an institution that advocates truth and the fear and love of a greater power...the fear of a greater power...Why don't we relax, smoke and drink and think about the difference between lying between "regular" people and lying amongst powerful people. "Regular" people lie to cover something they've done that they know will hurt someone close to them or to obtain something that they want, that they know that they either don't deserve or that they can't obtain. Powerful people lie to raise their level of awareness above everyone else. It's about pride. It's about knowledge. It's about taking advantage of the little ones and have them carry the powerful on their poor, dilapitated backs. The fact that they know something that we don't, puts us several steps below them on the social ladder, and keeping that information from us, keeps us there.
But sometimes, I wonder: if that information was divulged to us, what would be our reaction? Would we be open-minded to accept the possibility that nothing is what it seems? Or would we be close-minded and see the truth that was just exposed as a lie or a blasphemy? Now I don't know how accurate Dan Brown is in his book, but one cannot deny that a lot of the research that he did have been proven and that the connection is not impossible. The day that the movie adaption of said book came out in theaters, riots broke out in different parts of the world as copies of the book were thrown into a bonfire, calling it a blasphemy, a written sin, a way of turning the faith against the Church. The way they should have worded it is a way for the Church, not the one that Jesus and His Father built, but the modern, pretentious, greedy, power-hungry one, to lose its power over its slaves. At my church, our priest dubbed Dan Brown as a "blasphemer" and a "renouncer of Jesus-Christ". Back in Haiti, each "fact" that was raised in the movie brought more outcry from the audience. This does not mean the audience is ignorant. This is just what the Church and the powers that be want: for their supporters and followers reject anything and everything that goes against what they've drilled into so many minds. This process is popularly known as brainwashing. What is frightening is that as smart and educated many can be, getting them to accept to accept a certain idea and have them live by it can be quiet successful.
They say "Ignorance is Bliss". I say "Ignorance is Weakness".
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I'm A Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World...or something of the sort...
Ken: Hey Rod!Rod: Hey Ken!
Ken: Wanna go for a ride?
Rod: On what?
Ken: On this!!! (unzips, loud thumping noise on floor)
yes, ladies and gentlemen, the photos were leaked: Ken is gay and is having mass orgies on Barbie's California porch. Former star of the ball-bus...i mean, blockbuster "Foreskin Gump", Ken, who may be familiar to many of you out there as Ben Dover, startind blowing our mind away (literally for some) with his breathtaking performance as a loving husband by day and an even better lover by night. After a series of provoked religious epiphanies, Ken decided to follow the heterosexual path. From this came the marriage to Barbie, kindly reminding us of a mistmatch made in the life of plastic. After a series of fake orgasms, erectile dysfunktion (Ken later confesses those were voluntary) and "missing" beauty products, Barbie decided that it would be best that they get a divorce. Barbie later reports that Ken did not protest to that idea, leading her to believe that the two had a mutual agreement. Later that night, Ken was spotted down Christopher St., riding that stupid California dream van, being ravaged by a steamy double penetration as they blared these lyrics:
Hi-Ya Garrets!!
Hi Raul!!
You wanna go for a ride?
On what?
ON THIS!!
Barbie's such a bitch
She is just a witch
I really hate her
Why does Ken date her?
Ken is such a man
I do all I can
Just to do him (Yes)
We just wanna screw him
(She's such a bitch, I wanna scratch her eyes out)
I have dreams about Ken
Being inside my den
And we hold And we kiss
Like we're sweethearts
But that barbie's a slut
With her cute little butt
And I guess Ken likes boobs
Made of fake parts
And I cry everyday
Cause straight up
That bitch is in my way!
...OoOo...
Barbie is a bitch
She is just a witch
I really hate her
Why does Ken date her?
Ken is such a man
I do all I can
Just to do him
We wanna screw him
When I see her
I will knee her
...OoOot-OoOot-OooO...
I will punch her
And I'll crunch her
...oOoHh Ohhh Yes...
Hey Garrets
What Raul
Look who's over thurr
Well if it isn't Barbie without Ken
And that stupid California dream van
Hey Barbie it's us
Come over here, look
Right over here, missy
(beats her up)
in other news, Barbie was found brutally tortured in the dark corners of Chelsea. A green van was also found at the bottom of the Hudson River, which appears to have been driven off. The plastic and the silicon world are in mourning. (sigh) How life tests us!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Cooper Union:: Season 4:16
as the semester ends, friendships and loyalties are tested as the Cooper attendings find conflicts in more than just academics. Jacquy's situation with his mom at home get worse and worse as communication between the two has become close to barren. His mom starts changing things, moving his little brother out of his bedroom and posting biblical thoughts on the walls. His mom avoids Jacquy when he asks what is going on or tries to find another answer to change the topic but Jacquy realizes that there's more to her madness. His little brother not sleeping in his bedroom anymore makes Jaccquy realize how much he does love his brother, despite their constant fraternal fights. Jacquy then gets a call from his mom telling him that he is going to Haiti for a little bit to relax. Jacquy does not want to go since that would mean time away from Brian which hasn't been much between the two. Brian, thinking that Jacquy is leaving for good, starts making plans to keep Jacquy in the states, while taking care of him. Jacquy reassures him that he's only going for two weeks. That night, they see each other and for the first time, Jacquy holds hands with Brian without any discomfort, bringing them closer together than before. While at dinner with Brandon and Eva. Eva tells Jacquy that Susan, Francisco's ex-girlfriend, is attending Hunter next fall. Jacquy sees this as a terrible event since Francisco and Gloria are so happy together. But Eva later tells them that Gloria isn't really that into Francisco, leaving Jacquy confused and afraid for his best friend.
Brandon on the other hand, constantly wonders about the possibilities between him and Jamal. They both like each other but because of location, neither of them see how this could possibly work. Jacquy proposes long distance but even he knows better.
Back in school, Etta is on the brink of insanity as it becomes more and more impossible to read Ras' feelings. As her, Ras, Eugene and two girls from another school head to the Tribeca Film Festival, it becomes clearer and clearer to Etta that Ras may just be unobtainable, leaving her somewhat depressed and confused since Ras keeps toying with her. Cadence decides to talk to Jacquy about this, bringing up the fact that Etta is hurting herself, constantly hoping that something could ever happen between her and Ras. Jacquy is then bombarded by a few others bringing up the same fact with different points. Vivian argues that Etta thinks that all the attention is on her, reminiscing very much of a high school era that Vivian is afraid Etta isn't growing out of. Ernesto brings up the same point, arguing that Ras would never go out with Etta because she is not mature enough at Ras' level.
Ernesto isn't seeing much light at the end of his tunnel. Aside from school not at its best, he decides to break up with Clarissa, telling her that he needs to spend time alone, not mentioning Bridget. Jacquy finds out while checking facebook and finds out that Bridget wants to meet with just Ernesto and none of their other friends. Both Ernesto and Jacquy know what she means by that. Ernesto is afraid of what might happen with Bridget and at the same time, of hurting Clarissa even more.
Vivian, on the other hand, is afraid that she might fail physics again and be driven out of Cooper. He gets a call from Carlos checking up on her. But Carlos loses his temper on her, arguing that she's not trying hard enough to study. Jacquy confronts Vivian about this, telling her she needs to stand up to him and tell him that talking to her like this will not help her at all. Jacquy feels that a part of Vivian still like Carlos, which is why she doesn't want to drive him away.
While visiting Francisco at Hunter, Brian calls Jacquy complaing about Jamal's comments regarding their relationship and how Jamal is disrespectful. Brian brings up the fact of how much problems he is having with Jacquy's friends. Jacquy feels that because he is having problems with a few, he is using that against his friends as a whole. Brian denies this. Not wanting to argue, Jacquy and Brian realize that they have a common enemy and the only way to win over him is to stick together.
The next day, Jacquy meets up with Ernesto and Cadence to get food for Prof. Stran. There, they bring up Etta as they worry that if she goes back on probation, her chances of staying at Cooper will be even slimmer. Cadence brings up how her attitude towards a lot of people has been bothering her, showing her that Etta hasn't completely matured for college, reason which Ernesto and Jacquy believe Ras hasn't asked her out. There, Ernesto also finds out why Etta doesn't like him once more, leaving him utterly confused as none of the others notice the reasons that Etta brought up. Back at the party, everyone from Stran's class bring back memories about the year, while they have pizza, beer and wine. As they start heading out, Etta disappears. As Jacquy notices it, it's too late as she had already left. Jacquy says goodbye to Cadence as she heads home, also to avoid anymore conflicts with Pedro. Outside, Jacquy says goodbye to Pedro, telling each other they look forward to working together in the architecture school.
Later that night, Jacquy, Ernesto and Max, a reserved yet quite pessimistic friend of theirs, decide to see "V for Vendetta" as their last night before the summer break. After the movie, Jacquy says goodbye to Enresto, giving him a hug, telling him that he made this semester something truly different and enjoying for him. Back on the train, Jacquy realizes this is the last time he's gonna be able to share everything with all those people who had such a big role in his life for the past four semesters.
Looking at pictures of everyone, he cries as he says goodbye.
Brandon on the other hand, constantly wonders about the possibilities between him and Jamal. They both like each other but because of location, neither of them see how this could possibly work. Jacquy proposes long distance but even he knows better.
Back in school, Etta is on the brink of insanity as it becomes more and more impossible to read Ras' feelings. As her, Ras, Eugene and two girls from another school head to the Tribeca Film Festival, it becomes clearer and clearer to Etta that Ras may just be unobtainable, leaving her somewhat depressed and confused since Ras keeps toying with her. Cadence decides to talk to Jacquy about this, bringing up the fact that Etta is hurting herself, constantly hoping that something could ever happen between her and Ras. Jacquy is then bombarded by a few others bringing up the same fact with different points. Vivian argues that Etta thinks that all the attention is on her, reminiscing very much of a high school era that Vivian is afraid Etta isn't growing out of. Ernesto brings up the same point, arguing that Ras would never go out with Etta because she is not mature enough at Ras' level.
Ernesto isn't seeing much light at the end of his tunnel. Aside from school not at its best, he decides to break up with Clarissa, telling her that he needs to spend time alone, not mentioning Bridget. Jacquy finds out while checking facebook and finds out that Bridget wants to meet with just Ernesto and none of their other friends. Both Ernesto and Jacquy know what she means by that. Ernesto is afraid of what might happen with Bridget and at the same time, of hurting Clarissa even more.
Vivian, on the other hand, is afraid that she might fail physics again and be driven out of Cooper. He gets a call from Carlos checking up on her. But Carlos loses his temper on her, arguing that she's not trying hard enough to study. Jacquy confronts Vivian about this, telling her she needs to stand up to him and tell him that talking to her like this will not help her at all. Jacquy feels that a part of Vivian still like Carlos, which is why she doesn't want to drive him away.
While visiting Francisco at Hunter, Brian calls Jacquy complaing about Jamal's comments regarding their relationship and how Jamal is disrespectful. Brian brings up the fact of how much problems he is having with Jacquy's friends. Jacquy feels that because he is having problems with a few, he is using that against his friends as a whole. Brian denies this. Not wanting to argue, Jacquy and Brian realize that they have a common enemy and the only way to win over him is to stick together.
The next day, Jacquy meets up with Ernesto and Cadence to get food for Prof. Stran. There, they bring up Etta as they worry that if she goes back on probation, her chances of staying at Cooper will be even slimmer. Cadence brings up how her attitude towards a lot of people has been bothering her, showing her that Etta hasn't completely matured for college, reason which Ernesto and Jacquy believe Ras hasn't asked her out. There, Ernesto also finds out why Etta doesn't like him once more, leaving him utterly confused as none of the others notice the reasons that Etta brought up. Back at the party, everyone from Stran's class bring back memories about the year, while they have pizza, beer and wine. As they start heading out, Etta disappears. As Jacquy notices it, it's too late as she had already left. Jacquy says goodbye to Cadence as she heads home, also to avoid anymore conflicts with Pedro. Outside, Jacquy says goodbye to Pedro, telling each other they look forward to working together in the architecture school.
Later that night, Jacquy, Ernesto and Max, a reserved yet quite pessimistic friend of theirs, decide to see "V for Vendetta" as their last night before the summer break. After the movie, Jacquy says goodbye to Enresto, giving him a hug, telling him that he made this semester something truly different and enjoying for him. Back on the train, Jacquy realizes this is the last time he's gonna be able to share everything with all those people who had such a big role in his life for the past four semesters.
Looking at pictures of everyone, he cries as he says goodbye.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
The Cooper Union:: Season 4:15
As the season nears its end with just one episode left, tensions rise up, tears fall down and more surprises apply more and more stress in the engineering building. As the days towards the end of the semester grow nearer, Jacquy realizes how much he will miss his fellow engineers as he switches to architecture next year. As a result, he spends more time with the Hunter guys, avoiding Cooper whenever he's free as much as possible. At home, issues have not gotten easier with Jacquy's mom as she realizes that his son is a compulsive liar. Her tears move Jacquy. He prints the letter telling her everything about him and leaves the house to go to Cooper. A few hours later, he gets a call from his mom in tears telling him not to come home too late. Jacquy's friend show him that since she still asks him to come home, that she isn't kicking him out. When Jacquy gets home, his discussion with his mom was more like a monologue as Jacquy did not utter a single word. In the end, Jacquy lies again, promising to his mom that he wouldn't date or do anyhting until he graduates from Cooper.
Back at school, Etta trips, falling and hurting her legs to the point that she had to be wheeled around the school by Cadence. However, Cadence sees this as Etta using her again and complains to Jacquy that Etta is a hypocrite for scolding her for not doing any work while Etta herself is slacking off and not doing any work. Jacquy tries to talk to Cadence, explaining to her that Etta isn't using her, that she just has that feeling since they're not so close anymore. But Cadence is convinced that the school as a whole does not like her, as more and more difficulties pile up against her.
Etta's relationship with Ras, on the other hand, made quite some improvement as he drives her home for a second time. This is the followed by a series of facebook messages and witty comments on each other's facebook walls, such as Ras rejecting Vivian's friend request on the website. Ras tells Etta about his problems with Vivian and her attitude and Jacquy back him up after Etta tells him this.
Meanwhile, Jacquy, having more problems with his Humanities paper, decides to call Norbert for assistance. Norbert hurries along and adds a few pages to Jacquy's paper. Jacquy then finds out that Norbert has been talking to someone who is interested in him. However, the fact that Norbert is leaving New York prevents this interest from making any moves, bringing Norbert into another state of depression. Jacquy tells him to take a chance as there may be a chance he is coming back to new york in september. While there, Jacquy gets a call from Gayle who reveals to Jacquy that there is a very good chance she might get kicked out of Cooper, due to her dangerously low GPA, which will bring her into probation a second time. Jacquy reminds Gayle of another student who was on probation twice but still managed to stay due to the fact that his GPA was higher than the first time he was on probation. Jacquy tells her to try and achieve that.
That night, Jacquy gets a call from Ernesto who is caught up in a difficult love triangle. Ernesto realizes more and more as the days go by that he is not attracted to Clarissa in the same way anymore, that he doesn't see himself growing old with her. One reason is the fact that she is mentally young, still in hopes of becoming a pop/rock star. Another reason is that Ernesto is in love with his best friend, Bridget. Unfortunately, he doesn't know which one to choose as they both make him happy but in their own special way. Jacquy tells him to give Clarissa a chance, to see how things work out but to remember that his happiness comes first.
Jacquy then gets an instant message from Etta about Smith. Etta isn't sure whether Smith is just having fun with her or flirting. Jacquy reads into her lines and realizes something that may be possible, but doesn't tell Etta without making sure of his theory first. Jacquy seeks the advice of Smith's on and off girlfriend.
Etta's life takes an interesting twist as she is stalked by another member of the university who seem to have grown a liking to her. Etta falls into his kindness. She later finds out from an upper classman that he was reported the previous year, because he would not leaver her alone as well, clearly showing Etta is his next target.
The next day, while in the computer center, Jacquy runs into Dennard. Jacquy learns that Dennard has been diagnosed with situational depression. He opens up to Jacquy, telling him how being gay has created a gap in his relationship with his mother and in the things he wants to achieve at school. From this, Jacquy realizes what Brian has been telling him all along, that he has good advice for others, but never uses those advices to apply to himself when the same situations present themselves. Jacquy points this out to Dennard, recalling their advice to Norbert.
Later that day, Jacquy, Cadence and a a friend of hers decide to go to the pro-immigrant rally. There, Jacquy runs into his ex-boyfriend Adriano.This encounter sparks up dormant feelings within Jacquy, making him worry as to what this means with Brian. At the end of the rally, Jacquy goes back looking for Adriano in vain.
Towards the end of the day, Ras seems to show little interest to Etta, leaving her distraught. Instead, he goes for a freshman girl that seems to be able to catch the upper classmen's attention without even trying. Jacquy tells Etta not to let that get to her, that she can grow strong out of this, if Ras is indeed no longer interested in getting close to her.
At the end of the night, Brandon calls Jacquy to reveal something to him that didn't come too much of a surprise to Jacquy. Brandon feels as if he is dating Jamal since they speak everyday. But at the same time, a part of him is still hung on Lucas, constantly hoping that one day, Lucas will looks past their strange history and come back in his arms.
Things are looking up for Jacquy as the next day, he has his first interview with the architecture internship. Later, as he got back to Cooper, he gets a call from the second innternship setting up another interview. As he spots Pedro in the KATZ, he confronts him about their problems with each other. Jacquy decides to do this as more problems arise between Cadence and Etta. Jacquy explains to Pedro why he disliked him and apologizing for his behavior, but not getting anything from Pedro, giving Jacquy the impression that Pedro is blaming solely him for everything that's happened between them. Jacquy disregards this, only to be confronted by both Cadence and Etta about each other. Jacquy tells them both that they need to confront each other and resolve their problems as adults, although this never occurs, denting their relationship even more.
Jacquy then runs into Dennard to finish their conversation about his situation with school and everything. Jacquy learns that Dennard may be dismissed, not coming back next year. After talking a little bit more, Jacquy admits to Dennard that he liked him for some time. Dennard tells him that he did notice since Jacquy didn't speak to him then.
That night, after classes, Ras lets Etta and Vivian know that he's on his way down. Etta completely forgets everything that has happened in the last days and accepts Ras back with open arms. They end another evening as Jacquy heads home, with fries and gossip about the school heading into the last week of the semester.
As Ras and Etta get more comfortable, Vivian realizes Ras' attitude towards her and leaves the room. Etta confronts her about it, trying to talk to her. Vivian storms on her, explaining how Etta has been badmouthing her to everyone and how she feels like such an idiot since she's been trying to get Ras and Etta together. Etta tries to tell her that she hasn't been badmouthing her. Vivian brings up the fact that Ras has an asian fetish and the reason she's been acting a little grumpy with Ras was to drive him away towards Etta. Etta continuously tries to tell her that she has not been talking behind her back but Vivian leaves angrily, feeling betrayed by Etta.
Back at school, Etta trips, falling and hurting her legs to the point that she had to be wheeled around the school by Cadence. However, Cadence sees this as Etta using her again and complains to Jacquy that Etta is a hypocrite for scolding her for not doing any work while Etta herself is slacking off and not doing any work. Jacquy tries to talk to Cadence, explaining to her that Etta isn't using her, that she just has that feeling since they're not so close anymore. But Cadence is convinced that the school as a whole does not like her, as more and more difficulties pile up against her.
Etta's relationship with Ras, on the other hand, made quite some improvement as he drives her home for a second time. This is the followed by a series of facebook messages and witty comments on each other's facebook walls, such as Ras rejecting Vivian's friend request on the website. Ras tells Etta about his problems with Vivian and her attitude and Jacquy back him up after Etta tells him this.
Meanwhile, Jacquy, having more problems with his Humanities paper, decides to call Norbert for assistance. Norbert hurries along and adds a few pages to Jacquy's paper. Jacquy then finds out that Norbert has been talking to someone who is interested in him. However, the fact that Norbert is leaving New York prevents this interest from making any moves, bringing Norbert into another state of depression. Jacquy tells him to take a chance as there may be a chance he is coming back to new york in september. While there, Jacquy gets a call from Gayle who reveals to Jacquy that there is a very good chance she might get kicked out of Cooper, due to her dangerously low GPA, which will bring her into probation a second time. Jacquy reminds Gayle of another student who was on probation twice but still managed to stay due to the fact that his GPA was higher than the first time he was on probation. Jacquy tells her to try and achieve that.
That night, Jacquy gets a call from Ernesto who is caught up in a difficult love triangle. Ernesto realizes more and more as the days go by that he is not attracted to Clarissa in the same way anymore, that he doesn't see himself growing old with her. One reason is the fact that she is mentally young, still in hopes of becoming a pop/rock star. Another reason is that Ernesto is in love with his best friend, Bridget. Unfortunately, he doesn't know which one to choose as they both make him happy but in their own special way. Jacquy tells him to give Clarissa a chance, to see how things work out but to remember that his happiness comes first.
Jacquy then gets an instant message from Etta about Smith. Etta isn't sure whether Smith is just having fun with her or flirting. Jacquy reads into her lines and realizes something that may be possible, but doesn't tell Etta without making sure of his theory first. Jacquy seeks the advice of Smith's on and off girlfriend.
Etta's life takes an interesting twist as she is stalked by another member of the university who seem to have grown a liking to her. Etta falls into his kindness. She later finds out from an upper classman that he was reported the previous year, because he would not leaver her alone as well, clearly showing Etta is his next target.
The next day, while in the computer center, Jacquy runs into Dennard. Jacquy learns that Dennard has been diagnosed with situational depression. He opens up to Jacquy, telling him how being gay has created a gap in his relationship with his mother and in the things he wants to achieve at school. From this, Jacquy realizes what Brian has been telling him all along, that he has good advice for others, but never uses those advices to apply to himself when the same situations present themselves. Jacquy points this out to Dennard, recalling their advice to Norbert.
Later that day, Jacquy, Cadence and a a friend of hers decide to go to the pro-immigrant rally. There, Jacquy runs into his ex-boyfriend Adriano.This encounter sparks up dormant feelings within Jacquy, making him worry as to what this means with Brian. At the end of the rally, Jacquy goes back looking for Adriano in vain.
Towards the end of the day, Ras seems to show little interest to Etta, leaving her distraught. Instead, he goes for a freshman girl that seems to be able to catch the upper classmen's attention without even trying. Jacquy tells Etta not to let that get to her, that she can grow strong out of this, if Ras is indeed no longer interested in getting close to her.
At the end of the night, Brandon calls Jacquy to reveal something to him that didn't come too much of a surprise to Jacquy. Brandon feels as if he is dating Jamal since they speak everyday. But at the same time, a part of him is still hung on Lucas, constantly hoping that one day, Lucas will looks past their strange history and come back in his arms.
Things are looking up for Jacquy as the next day, he has his first interview with the architecture internship. Later, as he got back to Cooper, he gets a call from the second innternship setting up another interview. As he spots Pedro in the KATZ, he confronts him about their problems with each other. Jacquy decides to do this as more problems arise between Cadence and Etta. Jacquy explains to Pedro why he disliked him and apologizing for his behavior, but not getting anything from Pedro, giving Jacquy the impression that Pedro is blaming solely him for everything that's happened between them. Jacquy disregards this, only to be confronted by both Cadence and Etta about each other. Jacquy tells them both that they need to confront each other and resolve their problems as adults, although this never occurs, denting their relationship even more.
Jacquy then runs into Dennard to finish their conversation about his situation with school and everything. Jacquy learns that Dennard may be dismissed, not coming back next year. After talking a little bit more, Jacquy admits to Dennard that he liked him for some time. Dennard tells him that he did notice since Jacquy didn't speak to him then.
That night, after classes, Ras lets Etta and Vivian know that he's on his way down. Etta completely forgets everything that has happened in the last days and accepts Ras back with open arms. They end another evening as Jacquy heads home, with fries and gossip about the school heading into the last week of the semester.
As Ras and Etta get more comfortable, Vivian realizes Ras' attitude towards her and leaves the room. Etta confronts her about it, trying to talk to her. Vivian storms on her, explaining how Etta has been badmouthing her to everyone and how she feels like such an idiot since she's been trying to get Ras and Etta together. Etta tries to tell her that she hasn't been badmouthing her. Vivian brings up the fact that Ras has an asian fetish and the reason she's been acting a little grumpy with Ras was to drive him away towards Etta. Etta continuously tries to tell her that she has not been talking behind her back but Vivian leaves angrily, feeling betrayed by Etta.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
How To Save A Life...
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life...
... what do you do when it involves your own? How do you tell yourself to open and let others in? How do you use your own advice for yourself? My life has taken an interesting twist ever since I came out to my mother. Conversations with her are the strangest ever, we don't talk the same way we used to, we haven't laughed in almost two weeks... ...I've come to a point where I truly hate being at home. Here, the definition of a family applies to the extent that Mariah Carey is black: it ain't happenin'. As many have told me, this was expected, as I know it was myself. But some small part of me hoped that my mom would not act this way and just accept me for who I am as I did not choose this lifestyle. Yes, I made a choice and that's to be something, or better yet someone who reflects who I am inside, not what my environment sees as normal for me to be. And sometimes, these kind of things can get to one's head and cause them to inflict harm on themselves, some even paying the ultimate price. I will not take that road. Yes, it will give me rest from all the bullshit I've had to go through, but bringing tears to the eyes of those I care about will not solve anything. I decide to fight for what I believe in, alive and kicking. It took me 9 years to get out of the closet and I am sure as hell not going back for anyone.
So how do you save a life? Help it live and show it that the light at the end of that dark tunnel is not an oncoming train.
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life...
... what do you do when it involves your own? How do you tell yourself to open and let others in? How do you use your own advice for yourself? My life has taken an interesting twist ever since I came out to my mother. Conversations with her are the strangest ever, we don't talk the same way we used to, we haven't laughed in almost two weeks... ...I've come to a point where I truly hate being at home. Here, the definition of a family applies to the extent that Mariah Carey is black: it ain't happenin'. As many have told me, this was expected, as I know it was myself. But some small part of me hoped that my mom would not act this way and just accept me for who I am as I did not choose this lifestyle. Yes, I made a choice and that's to be something, or better yet someone who reflects who I am inside, not what my environment sees as normal for me to be. And sometimes, these kind of things can get to one's head and cause them to inflict harm on themselves, some even paying the ultimate price. I will not take that road. Yes, it will give me rest from all the bullshit I've had to go through, but bringing tears to the eyes of those I care about will not solve anything. I decide to fight for what I believe in, alive and kicking. It took me 9 years to get out of the closet and I am sure as hell not going back for anyone.
So how do you save a life? Help it live and show it that the light at the end of that dark tunnel is not an oncoming train.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The Cooper Union:: Season 4:14
The heat turns on as the students at The Cooper Union get dressed to attend a semi-formal soirée thrown by the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Instead of his usual crowd from last year, Jacquy was accompanied by Patricia, Mehadi and Norbert Corber, the depressed freshman, who lives a double life as a closeted electrical genius at Cooper, while he is known by his fellow queer peers as an all out and proud homosexual around the Christopher St. pier. As he keeps sending messages warning of his depression and suicide proposals, Dennard gives up on him while Jacquy keeps trying, only to realize that his work is in vain. He confronts Norbert, telling him that people can only help him if he helps himself. Jacquy thinks that he may have gotten through to him, but he has little hope.
Meanwhile, at the Met reception, Etta, blossoming in a new dress that she purchased that same day for the occasion, begins to play a game of hide and seek as she seeks out russian hunk Ras and pretentious Vladimir, who has been strangely getting closer and closer to her as the days go on. Etta also meets Jacquy's dysfunktional gang from Hunter College: Francisco, his shy girlfriend Gloria, the cynical bisexual Brandon, and the ever-so-sweet Eva, who bears more and more similiraties to Etta. Etta's game finally bears fruit as she spots Ras with an unidentified woman, whom it is believed there may be some history between her and Ras. Jacquy calls Ras over and has him take a picture with Etta.
While at the reception, Jacquy gets a call from Brian. He brings up once more the fact that Jacquy cheated, telling him that he wants to trust Jacquy, but his heart is telling him otherwise. Jacquy doesn't understand why he keeps bringing this up since Brian himself cheated, but doesn't look back on it since it's in the past. Jacquy points this out and Brian realizes that there may actually be hope to have his heart trust Jacquy again.
The rest of the evening goes on uneventfully. As our gang heads out, Etta decides to go home. Jacquy overhears that Ras was going the same way and decides to call out Ras, who was leaving with another friend, and asks him to give Etta a ride. Ras agrees without hesitation. When they drop Etta off, Ras' friend steps away, leaving the two alone and Ras kisses Etta on the cheek, wishing her a good night.
Meanwhile, Jacquy and the Hunter gang decide to take a walk around the city, leaving the Met. There, Francisco decides to confront Jacquy about practicing his driving since he is still traumatized from last year's accident as the images keep on coming back to his head. Norbert tries to make a point only to be yelled at by Jacquy, showing some dents in the relationship between the two.
Back in school, Ernesto's relationship with Etta seems to have improved a little bit after Jacquy tells Ernesto why Etta has been avoiding him, pointing out his graphic, perverted plaisanteries. Ernesto decides to take it down, to avoid making enemies.
Meanwhile, Vivian responds to Dominic's e-mail, acknowledging each other's mistakes. They make up, but realize that there are a lot of differences between each other that they will never be able to change, such as their study habits.
At the same time, Dominic reveals a terrifying secret to Jacquy about his relationship with Leala, that may have some consequences for the couple in the future.
That night, Vivian, Etta, Jacquy, and Ras have some fries from "Pommes Frites", forming Ta new triumverate in the Vivian-Jacquy-Dominic friendship, replacing Dominic with Etta. Ras sets in comfortably with the gang after exchanging a series of eye contacts with Etta across the KATZ.
Meanwhile, at the Met reception, Etta, blossoming in a new dress that she purchased that same day for the occasion, begins to play a game of hide and seek as she seeks out russian hunk Ras and pretentious Vladimir, who has been strangely getting closer and closer to her as the days go on. Etta also meets Jacquy's dysfunktional gang from Hunter College: Francisco, his shy girlfriend Gloria, the cynical bisexual Brandon, and the ever-so-sweet Eva, who bears more and more similiraties to Etta. Etta's game finally bears fruit as she spots Ras with an unidentified woman, whom it is believed there may be some history between her and Ras. Jacquy calls Ras over and has him take a picture with Etta.
While at the reception, Jacquy gets a call from Brian. He brings up once more the fact that Jacquy cheated, telling him that he wants to trust Jacquy, but his heart is telling him otherwise. Jacquy doesn't understand why he keeps bringing this up since Brian himself cheated, but doesn't look back on it since it's in the past. Jacquy points this out and Brian realizes that there may actually be hope to have his heart trust Jacquy again.
The rest of the evening goes on uneventfully. As our gang heads out, Etta decides to go home. Jacquy overhears that Ras was going the same way and decides to call out Ras, who was leaving with another friend, and asks him to give Etta a ride. Ras agrees without hesitation. When they drop Etta off, Ras' friend steps away, leaving the two alone and Ras kisses Etta on the cheek, wishing her a good night.
Meanwhile, Jacquy and the Hunter gang decide to take a walk around the city, leaving the Met. There, Francisco decides to confront Jacquy about practicing his driving since he is still traumatized from last year's accident as the images keep on coming back to his head. Norbert tries to make a point only to be yelled at by Jacquy, showing some dents in the relationship between the two.
Back in school, Ernesto's relationship with Etta seems to have improved a little bit after Jacquy tells Ernesto why Etta has been avoiding him, pointing out his graphic, perverted plaisanteries. Ernesto decides to take it down, to avoid making enemies.
Meanwhile, Vivian responds to Dominic's e-mail, acknowledging each other's mistakes. They make up, but realize that there are a lot of differences between each other that they will never be able to change, such as their study habits.
At the same time, Dominic reveals a terrifying secret to Jacquy about his relationship with Leala, that may have some consequences for the couple in the future.
That night, Vivian, Etta, Jacquy, and Ras have some fries from "Pommes Frites", forming Ta new triumverate in the Vivian-Jacquy-Dominic friendship, replacing Dominic with Etta. Ras sets in comfortably with the gang after exchanging a series of eye contacts with Etta across the KATZ.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
To Be or Not To Be...
...that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to keep your family in the dark to break their hearts by telling them the truth...Can you take a guess which one I chose?
Last sunday, after another argument with my mother, I decided to give her a 5-page letter, coming out to her, explaining everything from the beginning, since I was 9 years old. I didn't think it was possible to summarize 10 years of my life in 5 pages of Word document. But I did it and as I was writing it, my throat was choked up, my hands were shaking and I was feeling at a point where dying would probably have been a better feeling.
As youngsters carry out this process, some write letters, some get drunk and spill it out at a family reunion, some are sober and spill it out at a family reunion, some TXT their parents (as much as this is hard to believe...the possibilities with technology), some get into arguments and do it out of spite. I did get into an argument with my mom, but I didn't give it to her out of spite. It was out of pity. Our argument was about the fact that I am a compulsive liar, that most of the things that come out of my mouth when I talk to her are lies. I wanted to defend myself but she was right: I was a liar. I had been one for 10 years with her and my whole family and seeing her cry about, moved me so much that I couldn't bear doing this to her any longer... ...so I told her the truth and it broke her heart. The truth is never easy.
Coming out, as cliché as it may sound to many, is still a process that all homosexual men go through with their friends and families. What prevents many of them from doing so as soon as they know for a fact they are gay is the fear of acceptance from the world they live in everyday, their surroundings. I often visit my best friend up at his school, at Hunter College. There, I see several of my old high schools, quite a few of whom I never came out to. Now I ran into one of them on one of the floors and we greeted each other, caught up a little bit, etc. After he finds out that I was gay, whenever he sees me now, he turns away, avoids me by any means necessary. He even scolded my best friend for associating himself with "such people". I don't understand how I can be comfortably talking to someone like that and the very next week, he looks at me as a leper. That is discrimination at its most basic form and it is a sad fact of life. What man doesn't understand, he fears or wants to eliminate. I believe Patrick Stewart said it best as Professor X in "X-Men: United" (2003): "Sharing the world has never been one of mankind's best attributes."
Ernest Gaines once said, "Why is it as a society we would rather see men holding guns than holding hands?" Thing is we call today's modern world civilized, intelligent and evolving...yet we cling on to many vices that we never truly evolve. As a result, we make the same mistakes over and over again, ultimately destroying our own selves. Can one hope for any change? Only time can tell, because as a dear friend of mine keeps telling me, relying on the human species is one of the worst mistakes one can ever make.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
12 TYPE'z 0F FEMALE'z! READ IT ALL
so what's your flava?
Ok, so yeah, I know, this isn't original but it is just too damn good to pass. For all my heterosexual friends, this can serve as advice or warning for you:
1. Ms. Gold-Digger
Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.
Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.
2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)
Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.
Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your "main".
c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.
3. Ms. Independent
Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.
Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.
4. Ms. Dyme
Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model"
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.
Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.
5. Ms. Tomboy Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.
Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.
6. Ms. Ghetto Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can't stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.
7. Ms. Good Girl Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.
Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either:
A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or
B. She said she's never done - she said she's never tried - she's sitting there telling a muthafukkin' lie.
8. Ms. Main Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.
Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass
9. Ms. Psycho Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.
Disadvantages
a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.
10. Ms. I have a Man Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.
Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.
11. Ms. Tease Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.
Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)
12. MRS. RIGHT Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your *bleep*. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.
Disadvantage
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.
so now you know. Hopefully, none of you are making that mistake. But knowing you all, you probably already have.
Ok, so yeah, I know, this isn't original but it is just too damn good to pass. For all my heterosexual friends, this can serve as advice or warning for you:
1. Ms. Gold-Digger
Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.
Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.
2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)
Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.
Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your "main".
c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.
3. Ms. Independent
Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.
Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.
4. Ms. Dyme
Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model"
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.
Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.
5. Ms. Tomboy Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.
Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.
6. Ms. Ghetto Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can't stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.
7. Ms. Good Girl Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.
Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either:
A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or
B. She said she's never done - she said she's never tried - she's sitting there telling a muthafukkin' lie.
8. Ms. Main Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.
Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass
9. Ms. Psycho Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.
Disadvantages
a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.
10. Ms. I have a Man Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.
Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.
11. Ms. Tease Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.
Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)
12. MRS. RIGHT Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your *bleep*. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.
Disadvantage
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.
so now you know. Hopefully, none of you are making that mistake. But knowing you all, you probably already have.
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