So...

What can I say? For seven months now, I have been in the most intriguing, the most surprising, the most interesting, the most disturbing, the most aggravating and the most loving relationship I have ever been in. Thing is for the very first time, I truly understand what loving someone like that is. I've been in relationships before and I've said the word before, but it hasn't meant anywhere near what it means now. During the day, I think about him. At night, I dream about him and I sure as hell know we don't choose our dreams. I don't care about parents telling me it's corruption and a sin. I don't care about psychiatrists telling me it's logical and can be fixed. I just don't anymore...because I can't. I'm tired of having to constantly validate my happiness because of conventions. I'm tired of constantly having to be questioned about my "choices" by people who know nothing about the issue and just concoct a series of assumptions based on what they've read and studied by a series of people who themselves are not part of this. God works in mysterious ways and call me blasphemous if you want, but I believe this is one of his ways. He preaches that He rewards you for your good actions. I believe this is my reward: the love that I have for this man and that is returned to me. I can't say I can't live without him because I know I can. I just don't want to. This is my choice. And what makes me make that choice? All of the circumstances that brought us to this end. And when you're faced with that reality that you're going to be away from him for a long time, is it fright that you might lose him? Or is it fright that you might lose yourself without him? The former seems more like a case of insecurity. The latter is insecurity as well, except that it's both of you, together and that little difference has that big of an impact. Everything happens for a reason, they say. I still think that's a load of horse shit. But one guy whom I said I loved showed a different side of him I didn't know existed after I made a decision that didn't involve him, but involved my family. After this deed was done, he held a grudge against me, throwing us away from each other until it ended.
So is it true that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? Or is it that you don't know what you've got until it's going away? Relationships tests us this way. Being together all the time is great but how strong do you think you are? Can you survive a month or two without each other? Are you gonna be the same when he or she comes back? Or does it all fall apart and you realize you never had any foundations in the first place? Can I answer these questions about myself? Time can be a bitch...but only she can really tell you how and where you stand with your partner or regarding anything in your life.