Back when our parents were growing up, relationships tended to be a 1 + 1 = 2 equation, which eventually amounted to 2 becomes 1. It was much more simpler then. Whatever needed to be said was said. Not only was it said, but it was said honestly with the kind of emotion that both parties could tell one from the other. Body language and facial expressions told so much more than the words that came out of people's mouths. Back then, it came as a supplement. Nowadays, relationships are defined more as this: (x+3)(x+2), which for those who haven't taken algebra, amounts to 0. So many variables come into factor that eventually, like a Blackberry or an iPhone or texting or MySpace or any form of messaging technoloy that what you wind up with is a flatline, right along the x-axis. Listening to my grandparents, back when both were still alive, how they resolved their problems was through talking with each other, sitting down together, holding each other's hand, with each other's best interest at heart to try and work it out. Granted that these were subjective arguments and that sometimes it is best to ask for an objective point of view to the situation, that way, you have an idea of an impartial state of mind. But how black and white is impartial exactly? In modern times, both parties agree to a certain commitment, to work things out, to give it their best shot after years together. But both ends have hurt each other so much, that they completely forgot how to meet in the middle on their own, with just each other. As a result, they start relying on friends and family for advice as to where exactly they should go with what they're trying to fix. But how much can someone on the outside really see or know what's going on between two people who are trying to build a life together? The human mind tends to distort events after a certain time, usually after that person wants certain events to go a certain way. So when they are relayed to this third party, it is no longer what actually happened. This impartial perspective that one tries to pursue tends to be riddled with so many facets of selfishness that one never realizes when it actually ends or begins. We hear comments like "I honestly can't see you two together", or "I think you should take time on your own", and "He is not the right person for you", or "I think you two need some time apart to figure things out", all of which I'm sure many of us are familiar with. But think about this for a second: why is it you tend to talk about your relationship with others only when it's rocky? Why is it you can never want to gossip about the calm seas and the bike rides and the silly little things that made you two happy, that made you two last so long before asking for what you may assume to be advice? In general, people are selfish and this is a fact. As good as they try to be, they always their own interest at heart. But two people that truly love each other, isn't it safe to assume that what made you happy together in the first place is that you had and still have each other's best interest at heart before asking for a third party's opinion? And why is that most of the time, that third party is either single, having trouble with their own relationships, always has a problem with one of the partners or has a trouble committing?
St. Augstine once said: "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
Tell this to yourself: if it's taking a long time for you to figure what exactly you want with that person or if you want to be with him, then you probably shouldn't be with them. This applies to everything in life. If your heart is fighting against your mind to figure what to do, what decision to make about someone or something, then the decision has already been made. It's just time for you to accept it, whether it's good or bad, because much to your disadvantage and misfortune, it will lean towards the bad.
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